I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: `Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear --
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.'
Plagiarism
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Jack Cloverfield
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Hi
I'm afraid this sort of thing does nothing for me. I think I see why you did it but it's not going to be open to any form of critique based on your ability. I look forward to reading something from your own mind.
Regards
Jack
I'm afraid this sort of thing does nothing for me. I think I see why you did it but it's not going to be open to any form of critique based on your ability. I look forward to reading something from your own mind.
Regards
Jack
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beautifulloser
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Hey SS
First crit of one of yours I think . . .
Not sure what reaction you're expecting to this, have seen some of your other posts so here goes . . .
Intellectually, this stumped me to honest (not difficult!). I am not sure if David is right, I certainly got nothing of the sort but I gather there is more to it than meets the eye as I cannot correlate the title to what is being said in relation to David's crit, aside from you plagarising what the traveller from the antique land had said, in which case it all becomes pretty obvious.
Have an image of some acient stones with weird faces sculptured into the surface - an Egyptian totem-like pole or something! But there is nothing for the reader to really enage with, other than the images of the surroundings you paint which for me have no real intrnsic value to be anything other than just pictures without any real emotional connotation. I think Wab said once, and I do subscribe to the view, that the best poetry gives you something to agree or disgaree with (to some degree or another), or some insight, and this failed on both points which for my own subjectivities is a negative.
That said, this is not like your usual stuff, so I wonder where the intention and inspiration come from?. From my own point of view, being technically quite poor, the use of punctuation to good effect here is an eye opener and there this is a great line I thought:
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Not sure if there is anything to go on there SS, do post back and enlighten us all though.
BL
x
First crit of one of yours I think . . .
Not sure what reaction you're expecting to this, have seen some of your other posts so here goes . . .
Intellectually, this stumped me to honest (not difficult!). I am not sure if David is right, I certainly got nothing of the sort but I gather there is more to it than meets the eye as I cannot correlate the title to what is being said in relation to David's crit, aside from you plagarising what the traveller from the antique land had said, in which case it all becomes pretty obvious.
Have an image of some acient stones with weird faces sculptured into the surface - an Egyptian totem-like pole or something! But there is nothing for the reader to really enage with, other than the images of the surroundings you paint which for me have no real intrnsic value to be anything other than just pictures without any real emotional connotation. I think Wab said once, and I do subscribe to the view, that the best poetry gives you something to agree or disgaree with (to some degree or another), or some insight, and this failed on both points which for my own subjectivities is a negative.
That said, this is not like your usual stuff, so I wonder where the intention and inspiration come from?. From my own point of view, being technically quite poor, the use of punctuation to good effect here is an eye opener and there this is a great line I thought:
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Not sure if there is anything to go on there SS, do post back and enlighten us all though.
BL
x
I'm sick of it, sick of it all. I know I'm right and I don't give a shit!
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Jack Cloverfield
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Perhaps you should take a look at this beautifulloser....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ozymandias
This may hold the answers you seek
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ozymandias
This may hold the answers you seek
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beautifulloser
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D'oh! Should have occured to me to Wikierise . . .
. . . .ok, so from what I can tell, this poem serves no purpose whatsoever!
You've nicked an inscription off some Egyptian stone, put it on a forum and entitled it Plagarism.
Kind of like getting a billiard table, taking out the pocket nets and exhibiting it in the Tate?
viewtopic.php?f=19&t=5584
Neil Anderthal
. . . .ok, so from what I can tell, this poem serves no purpose whatsoever!
You've nicked an inscription off some Egyptian stone, put it on a forum and entitled it Plagarism.
Kind of like getting a billiard table, taking out the pocket nets and exhibiting it in the Tate?
viewtopic.php?f=19&t=5584
Neil Anderthal
I'm sick of it, sick of it all. I know I'm right and I don't give a shit!
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Jack Cloverfield
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Don't worry about it beautifulloser, I was half way through critiquing this myself when it occured to me that I'd read it somewhere before. Then the title reinforced my wiki search.
It's a shame Select Samaritan didn't write this as it's a cracking piece, if a little dated
It's a shame Select Samaritan didn't write this as it's a cracking piece, if a little dated
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beautifulloser
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Good artists borrow, great artists steal . . .
I'm sick of it, sick of it all. I know I'm right and I don't give a shit!
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Jack Cloverfield
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Jesus! Is that for real? She actually signed it as being her work as well. Unbelievable, and to be frank, sad. 
I am looking forward to reading your original work Select Samaritan
I am looking forward to reading your original work Select Samaritan
Hey, Zeus! It's for real! Hardly sad though. More like funny, I'd say.
But sadly, not everyone shares my sense of humor.
But sadly, not everyone shares my sense of humor.
Go read it then. And nail me good.Jack Cloverfield wrote: I am looking forward to reading your original work Select Samaritan
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Jack Cloverfield
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Don't get me wrong, it IS funny, it's just sad that someone puts tuff like that on their site leading anyone who doesn't know better to think that they wrote it!
As for 'nailing' you, that's not my intention, but if you insist
As for 'nailing' you, that's not my intention, but if you insist
Which is actually a part of what makes it funny.Jack Cloverfield wrote:Don't get me wrong, it IS funny, it's just sad that someone puts stuff like that on their site leading anyone who doesn't know better to think that they wrote it!
Esoteric humor, man. Dig it.
Constructively of course.Jack Cloverfield wrote: As for 'nailing' you, that's not my intention, but if you insist
you have caused a discussion though! and have moved me to respond for a third time so well played for that.
i often wonder whether its all plagiarism in some form or other. we read a poem, digest it, let it settle and before we know it we have borrowed a style.
i think that the aim of all poetry, prose and art in general should be to say something new. something that hasn't been heard before. or, if you cant do that, say something thats been said before, do something thats been done before and do it better.
if this is an attempt at a postmodern twist on things it is a lame one. i cant ever envisage a significant number of people being moved enough by what you have done to think of erecting a statue of you. and if you're happy without a statue then plough on and good luck!
i often wonder whether its all plagiarism in some form or other. we read a poem, digest it, let it settle and before we know it we have borrowed a style.
i think that the aim of all poetry, prose and art in general should be to say something new. something that hasn't been heard before. or, if you cant do that, say something thats been said before, do something thats been done before and do it better.
if this is an attempt at a postmodern twist on things it is a lame one. i cant ever envisage a significant number of people being moved enough by what you have done to think of erecting a statue of you. and if you're happy without a statue then plough on and good luck!
select samaritan.
i will, right now, hand over to u a lesson which i learnt yesterday on this very site:
dont take criticism personally.
let it drizzle off you, or, even better, through you, like water through a duck.
everybody on this site can be witty. everybody can be a terrible c++t, everybody can be constructive.
are you serious about poetry?
the reason you got such opinionated responses to your poem was because you did something that was very naughty, and not very clever - u stuck a new title on an old poem and called it art. - please, please, please, enjoy postmodernism while you bask in it, but try not to stay too long there. keep moving!
i will, right now, hand over to u a lesson which i learnt yesterday on this very site:
dont take criticism personally.
let it drizzle off you, or, even better, through you, like water through a duck.
everybody on this site can be witty. everybody can be a terrible c++t, everybody can be constructive.
are you serious about poetry?
the reason you got such opinionated responses to your poem was because you did something that was very naughty, and not very clever - u stuck a new title on an old poem and called it art. - please, please, please, enjoy postmodernism while you bask in it, but try not to stay too long there. keep moving!
