Earth and Heaven

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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barrie
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Thu Oct 25, 2007 10:43 am

Half my life
I spend in study
and half
in contemplation:

lost
in the best of both worlds.
Last edited by barrie on Thu Oct 25, 2007 11:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
ioansant

Thu Oct 25, 2007 11:08 am

More of a sentence than a poem, or maybe a single thought. More syllables than a haiku.

Regards

Ioan
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Thu Oct 25, 2007 11:13 am

It may be short, but I like it. ;) Some might argue that life is simply an extended series of "one-liners." Cheers!
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barrie
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Thu Oct 25, 2007 11:33 am

Can a poem not comprise of a single sentence? Can a poem go on and on, longer than Paradise Lost and remain a poem? Can a poem have but a handfull of words? When do both extremes cease to be poetry? It's a bit like asking - How long is a piece of string?

A poem by Ryokan (1758 - 1831).

Above heaven
big winds


Don't ask me what poetry is though, I wouldn't be able to answer.

Thanks again

Barrie
Lake
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Thu Oct 25, 2007 11:36 am

Which half is heaven? Which half is earth?

This poem reminds me of Confucius words:
Learning without thinking leads to confusion; thinking without learning ends in danger.

Well thought poem.

Lake
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barrie
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Thu Oct 25, 2007 11:45 am

Sorry Trans - We crossed posts here, I'm not ignoring you.
Yes, sometimes life does seem like a series of one liners. It's where one ends and the next begins that's the difficult bit to fathom.


Thanks Lake -

Which half is heaven? Which half is earth?
- Like the one liners - Where does one end and the other begin?

cheers both

Barrie
Merlin
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Thu Oct 25, 2007 12:05 pm

Simple - yet profound and deceptively cryptic...

I think the poem title is a red-herring...For me the poem depicts 2 differing states of mind...

Thanks Barrie......
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barrie
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Thu Oct 25, 2007 9:02 pm

I think the poem title is a red-herring...For me the poem depicts 2 differing states of mind...
- The title's not a red earring, but you make an interesting point -

John Milton wrote in Paradise Lost

The mind is its own place and in itself can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven

Barrie
Travis
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Thu Oct 25, 2007 10:59 pm

I actually have a critique. The title is cliche all the way and it doesn't sequentially fit with what you study versus what you contemplate. Assuming of course that Earth is studied and Heaven, contemplated. So why not go for the best of both worlds here and pull the old switcheroo on the title?

Earth and Heaven anyone?
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barrie
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Thu Oct 25, 2007 11:19 pm

...why not go for the best of both worlds here and pull the old switcheroo on the title?
- Why not indeed?

'Tis done.

Barrie
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