Haiku Train

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
Travis
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Wed Jun 25, 2008 1:34 am

Smoke on the water,
black and full of violence.
Death and man, once more.
Lake
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Sun Jun 29, 2008 2:49 pm

Death and man, once more
Sunrise and sundown. Time shows
an indifference.
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barrie
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Mon Jun 30, 2008 4:14 pm

an indifference
plus just one outdifference
makes no difference
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
Travis
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Mon Jun 30, 2008 9:11 pm

Makes no difference
how many you add to the
mix. Sometimes it's slow.
juliadebeauvoir
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Tue Jul 01, 2008 3:06 pm

Mix. Sometimes its slow.
Hard to get the small lumps out.
Beat consistently.
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you."
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barrie
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Tue Jul 01, 2008 4:20 pm

Beat consistently:
a mendicant flagellant
reads his instructions.
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
juliadebeauvoir
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Wed Jul 02, 2008 1:26 am

Reads his instructions,
spills coffee on them...Oh damn!
Gives up and takes nap.
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you."
Lake
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Wed Jul 02, 2008 2:30 am

"gives up and takes nap"
is all he does - rotten wood
unengravable
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barrie
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Wed Jul 02, 2008 7:22 am

Unengravable?
I'll dig a deep enough hole
and then he won't be.
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
juliadebeauvoir
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Wed Jul 02, 2008 12:20 pm

And then he won't be.
Just kaput when he expires.
Existential theme.
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you."
Lake
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Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:16 pm

Existential theme
and nihility – I can
never figure out.
juliadebeauvoir
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Thu Jul 03, 2008 4:55 am

Never figure out
all the brand new fangled math.
I'm just old fashioned.
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you."
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barrie
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Fri Jul 04, 2008 6:14 pm

"I'm just old fashioned,"
said the old undertaker,
"a shroud is a shroud."
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
Elphin
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Fri Jul 04, 2008 6:45 pm

A shroud is a shroud
unless named for Turin, then
it is an icon
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barrie
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Sat Jul 05, 2008 8:39 am

It is an icon -
I would take away the 'i' -
it is just a con.
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
Lake
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Sat Jul 05, 2008 8:24 pm

It is just a con
and that's just a tube without
its big icon You
juliadebeauvoir
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Sun Jul 06, 2008 4:35 am

Its big icon--You.
You probably think this hai
ku is about you!

(I know...I know. I cheated. :twisted: )
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you."
Lake
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Sun Jul 06, 2008 4:38 pm

:)

Ku is about you
Hai is about me. No doubt.
You and me – haiku!
Travis
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Sun Jul 06, 2008 5:23 pm

You and me haiku
ok? Five slow, seven hard,
five soft. Now spread 'em.
There's only one rule in street and bar fights: maximum violence, instantly. (Martin Amis, "Money")
Lake
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Sun Jul 06, 2008 6:43 pm

five soft. Now spread 'em
seven hard, stretch 'em further
great, you smarty-pants
Travis
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Sun Jul 06, 2008 6:59 pm

Great, you smarty-pants!
You came all over my good
shirt! Haiku? Fuck you!
There's only one rule in street and bar fights: maximum violence, instantly. (Martin Amis, "Money")
Lake
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Tue Jul 08, 2008 3:31 am

:oops:
I'm off the train.
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barrie
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Tue Jul 08, 2008 10:18 am

time for a short stop:
let passengers stretch their legs...
...time to move again.
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
kozmikdave
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Tue Jul 08, 2008 12:07 pm

Time to move again.
Exercising on flights stops
deep vein thrombosis.
Cheers
Dave

"And I'm lost, and I'm lost
I'm lost at the bottom of the world
I'm handcuffed to the bishop and the barbershop liar
I'm lost at the bottom of the world
"
[Tom]
juliadebeauvoir
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Tue Jul 08, 2008 2:09 pm

Deep vein thrombosis
and a set of rotten teeth
made Carla depressed.
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you."
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