Dancing with Dylan

[Bombadil]

Bobby dances to Dylan
in the corner with his earphones
on. He likes the way the music
move him, but mostly
he figures, “if Dylan can sing
like this and not give a damn,
then I can dance like
I am. And if anybody cares
it ain’t me babe.”

Susie sways from the spiked
punch—she never did like
cherry all that much. She wondered
but mostly she already knew—
it was something she had to do,
a vodka knife to cut off the
tension. To take her away
from the Wallflowers
and the questioning glances.

Ditsy and tipsy, Susie spies on
Bobby, still dancing with a
folk-electric pulse. Why?
She wonders but she mostly
already knows.

And so she taps him
on the shoulder—drunken
eyes drinking him up. So
slowly, like removing a splinter,
she takes an earphone for herself
and jauntily, awkwardly
they begin to dance together: a positively
fourth grade jig. And if anyone notices
nobody cares: least of all the two of them.

[OrlandoGardener]

This one is fun. The sound plays in unexpected places and the rhythm sway like Bobby dances. That and all of the puns keep making me smile.

If I have any advise it’s to get rid of the last two stanzas entirely. Poems don’t need plot (although, I already know you can’t resist putting one in), and this one has a good two point contrast between Susie and Bobby. It doesn’t make any difference whether they are even on the same planet. So drop those last two and let the rhyme of ‘dances’ and ‘glances’ end the poem.

I like this one, if that makes any difference.

[Bombadil]

marry the shrew? the idea has merit...

[camus]

About time there was an uncle Bob poem.

One Q why use Bobby and Susie as the charater names, any reason?

Pointless question really, nice one.

[Bombadil]

Nah, no reason really. The names just fit.

[camus]

I was thinking as Susie was Bobby's squeeze on the front of The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan album. Coincidence, or good ole Muso insight?

Incidentally I named my web design company (one man band, well two man band now) after that very album.

http://www.freewheelin.co.uk

[Bombadil]

guilty. no coincidence...but mostly sub-conscious to be sure.

two man band now, eh?

[camus]

Strangely I can store any amount of information pertaining to music, full of it, anything else, like the important stuff........forget it.