Untitled (ii)

[zkhestanova]

I see in my own my mother’s
hand and am happy
these written lines

Need not mean more
to mean enough –
but I weep to feel them.

Your touch, your kiss,
your voice gently calling
are perfectly remembered.

And I shall have to live
knowing my last failure –

Even as these carnations
pale and are replaced
by others less close.

[dogofdiogenes]

Hi there,

I am tired and being thick...cannot get the meaning of the 2nd stanza. Loved your first line.

jadeddog

[zkhestanova]

Just that the meaning of the (hand-)written lines isn't as important as the fact that in them I see my own mother's hand(-writing) and am reminded... to labour it - since parturition's point du jour - we've both terrible handwriting. It's really only that and a few other triter points. Zalina, x ps. There's plenty of license in this, by the way. I'm not me and nor is my mother... *zalina knocks a copy of the complete freud off the table*

[jms]

Hi,

I struggled with the second stanza as well. The rest is very good, I liked the ambiguity of the last two stanzas.

Cheers,

Jon

[zkhestanova]

is the second really so unclear? do you have any suggestions? i think i like a number of these stanzas very much. zalina, x

[dogofdiogenes]

I see in my own my mother’s
hand and am happy
these written lines

Need not mean more
to mean enough –
but I weep to feel them.

Your touch, your kiss,
your voice gently calling
are perfectly remembered.

And I shall have to live
knowing my last failure –

Even as these carnations
pale and are replaced
by others less close.

The problem for me is that 'hand' I took to mean hand as in physical object, not handwriting. Now it's explained it makes sense-but it's still hard work. Imagine you are trying to describe it to your pet dog/cat/guinea pig, whatever. I have a long history of doing the same thing!!!!!

jac

[zkhestanova]

I've imagined it... Likely it would prove to be a very frustrated conversation.

[Elphin]

I dont think I have commented on your posts yet so welcome.

I have read this a few times but like the dog of d I read it as hand and the lines as the lines on your hand that a fortune teller might read. I know its not what you intended but I think you could have more poetic mileage in that idea.

I see in my own
my mother’s hand
and am happy these lines

need not mean more
to mean enough –
but I weep to feel them. This is where I got the picture of the N running her hands together

Your touch, your kiss,
your voice gently calling
are perfectly remembered this was creating an idea of a departed mother and maybe he fortune teller/clairvoyant image

And I shall have to live
knowing my last failure – I would delete this as its a bit cliched

even as these carnations
pale and are replaced
by others less close.


Just some thoughts for you - keep posting

elphin

[zkhestanova]

Thank you all again,

Yes, I understand and am glad you read it that way. I very much mean them both... need them both, I think. Seeing her hand in 'my own' is meant literally to mean the written 'hand' and evoke the physical 'hand'... though that's only its logic and needn't force itself on the reader. My only surprise is that 'hand' has caused such confusion. Isn't, for instance, "Elphin writes in an elaborate hand" a clear sentence? I didn't think the expression so uncomon.

Zalina, xx