The Poem

[thoke]

.

[barrie]

The Oh God I feel Awful Crit

Oh God, I feel awful for moving this.

What do you expect - constructive criticism? It's 100% cliche and the concept is hardly original.

Write us a poem thoke, for Christ's sake.

[emuse]

Maybe:

Oh God

I feel awful.


Your poem made me smile.

Cheers,

e

[thoke]

Oh God, I feel awful for moving this.

Do you?

What do you expect - constructive criticism? It's 100% cliche and the concept is hardly original.

It's 100% crap, no doubt about that. I'm not sure what's cliched about it.

Write us a poem thoke, for Christ's sake.

I feel too awful! Clinical fatigue + Low self-esteem = shit poetry.

Ben

[TDF]

I feel too awful! Clinical fatigue + Low self-esteem = shit poetry.

oh touche, sir!

[barrie]

barrie wrote:
Oh God, I feel awful for moving this.


Do you?

- No, I didn't think it belonged there - Do you?

I'm not sure what's cliched about it.

- Oh God, I feel awful, I'm sure I've heard that before.

Clinical fatigue + Low self-esteem = shit poetry.

- if you're using equations then surely, Clinical fatigue - shit poetry = - Low self-esteem. Which means your low self-esteem is no more, and without low self-esteem you can now write good poetry, So, lets try the new equation - Clinical fatigue + good poetry = self esteem. By re-arranging the equation we find that Good poetry = self esteem - clinical fatigue. No more fatigue, Monsieur. The case is solved! - Inspector Clouseau.

If it were only as easy.

good luck

Barrie

[thoke]

barrie wrote:
Oh God, I feel awful for moving this.


Do you?

- No, I didn't think it belonged there - Do you?

No.

I'm not sure what's cliched about it.

- Oh God, I feel awful, I'm sure I've heard that before.

In a poem?

Clinical fatigue + Low self-esteem = shit poetry.

- if you're using equations then surely, Clinical fatigue - shit poetry = - Low self-esteem.

But how do I subtract the shit poetry? If a poem is a sequence of words as determined by a particular person at a particular time, then poems can't cease to exist.

Ben

[barrie]

Sorry, I didn't realize cliches suddenly ceased to be cliches when they were used in (as) poems. You learn something every day.

But how do I subtract the shit poetry? If a poem is a sequence of words as determined by a particular person at a particular time, then poems can't cease to exist.

-Use Clouseau's logic.

Monsieur. The case is solved! - Inspector Clouseau.

If it were only as easy.

Like I said - good luck.

[thoke]

Sorry, I didn't realize cliches suddenly ceased to be cliches when they were used in (as) poems. You learn something every day.

I didn't say they did. I said, "In a poem?" That's a question.

Ben

[beautifulloser]

I love Pappa Smurf. Do you? Now, THAT'S a question.

[twoleftfeet]

This should surely be
"The Oh God I feel awful (now that I've posted a poem that consists entirely of its title) poem"
OR "The OH LORD poem"

[TDF]

well if nothing else, the poem has sparked a rather amusing thread if you ask me...

[wildmountainthyme]

thoke, i too feel awful, i've just finished a game of 5's!
dan

[thoke]

I've rewritten and re-named it. It is now officially un-cliched, and somehow slightly worse.

Ben

[Travis]

God feel?
Oh, awful.

Haha. Sounds like Yoda lamenting a vainglorious diatribe from young Skywalker...

[barrie]

Maybe you could drop the aitch and rearrange it again -

O awful God -
Feel!

[Elphin]

Nice on barrie

or

Oh! awe full,
I feel God.

elph

[beautifulloser]

O awful God -
Feel!

Haha! Marvellous. Any other permutations?

[dedalus]

I know where this comes from ... if you were not brought up in a religion, either by strict parents or a Church or Chapel environvent, then do not go here. You might be trawling for easy answers. Stick with the poetry ... just the compression of it brings a discipline to the spiritual side that exists in all of us. I don't mean to be cruel, but you are really on your own ... as are we all.

Brendan

[thoke]

I know where this comes from ... if you were not brought up in a religion, either by strict parents or a Church or Chapel environvent, then do not go here. You might be trawling for easy answers. Stick with the poetry ... just the compression of it brings a discipline to the spiritual side that exists in all of us. I don't mean to be cruel, but you are really on your own ... as are we all.

Eh? You've lost me.

[dedalus]

Eh? You've lost me.

Fair enough so, without a Dickensian background, it don't mean nothing. I thought you were going all holy on me. I have to restrain myself from slapping these people.

Cheers, mate ... brevity is bliss but go for a longer one next time.

Brendan

[thoke]

Fair enough so, without a Dickensian background, it don't mean nothing.

Eh?!

I thought you were going all holy on me.

Okay, I understand this sentence. No, I'm still an anti-theist. I feel awful, so I wrote "Oh God, I feel awful" and Barrie didn't like it so I jumbled the words up and forgot to include the 'I'.

I have to restrain myself from slapping these people.

Please don't slap me, I'm too weak to defend myself at the moment.

Ben

[barrie]

No, I'm still an anti-theist. I feel awful, so I wrote "Oh God, I feel awful" and Barrie didn't like it so I jumbled the words up and forgot to include the 'I'.

- Forgot the 'I', eh? Losing the ego - sounds like Eastern Mysticism to me - You could change your name - The Maharishi Mahesh Thoki - and make millions from gullible disciples.....Om etc etc

Barrie

[thoke]

My name is Bo Harris the Enchanter. Watch me make the words dissappear.

Feel awful, God?

God awful!

God.

[zkhestanova]

i LOVE this! Have mercy...