Plums

[zkhestanova]

glossing eager lips with your
vulgar juices, and chins
a veneer of sickly disorders –
you are the crude and cloying fruit
the inadmissible mine

to be made soft with time
and neglect. taken in
festivities of sot condescension
and pocketed for a later occasion,
fresh from your garden –

from your marred branches –
pensile under the weight of your
swollen ripeness, slick with
improprieties and desperation –
your breached taut skins drip.

[jms]

Blimey, who would have thought that eating a plum could feel so dirty? I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into it, but I got the impression that this was about something other than plums - a hint of the sexual, a hint of decay. Lots of fun. I wasn't sure about 'glossing' in the first line - it didn't sound 'sticky' enought to me. I wasn't sure either what you meant by 'sot condescension' - can sot = drunken really be used as an adjective? Very good, nevertheless.

Cheers,

Jon

[arunansu]

I found 'sot condensation' to be an interesting phrase. Intruiging write. I second my earlier critique regarding 'glossing'. You mat do without it.
Cheers.

[Elphin]

A very satisfying read.

I think the sounds work here and the words are well weighted.

elphin

[zkhestanova]

Thank you all so much for this However, I know the poem only to have very few good phrases and to be something of a soup of vowels and am hoping someone with more experience can help me focus it into something much better, if that's possible. it's unlike the other things i've write, which were written much swifter. any suggestions would be very welcome. I'm sorry to ask. zalina,x ps. i'm considering the word 'glossing' and will try to work something out...

[Ayeshyy]

I'm sad to say I've never studied a plum for long enough to get such a poem, but reading that I'm now craving one I liked this poem, and the use of descripton in it, but I agree the word glossing somehow doesn't fit.
Ayeshyy x