Haiku Train

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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sneaker
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Mon Oct 13, 2008 6:00 am

the festivities
are vulgar & brash,
but you're smiling still.
"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need. " M.Jagger
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TDF
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Mon Oct 13, 2008 5:52 pm

but you're still smiling,
which surprises me really,
since she just dumped you.
meh and bah are wonderful words
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juliadebeauvoir
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Mon Oct 13, 2008 7:50 pm

Since she just dumped you,
you can think of nothing else,
but her rotten face!
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you."
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Lake
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Mon Oct 13, 2008 7:56 pm

but her rotten face
is a beautiful flower
to that blind yang man
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TDF
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Mon Oct 13, 2008 7:59 pm

to that blind yang man
a deaf yin girl sounds ideal.
no flaws, together.
meh and bah are wonderful words
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Lake
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Mon Oct 13, 2008 11:38 pm

(Tom, you smarty-pants with that "yin girl". Without reading that "yin", I didn't realize I wrote "yang". But it works perfectly. Another good laugh. :lol: Thanks!)


no flaws, together.
blind plus deaf make them special -
sharp sense, longer life.
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TDF
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Tue Oct 14, 2008 5:38 pm

sharp sense, longer life.
but blunt personality,
so noone likes him.
meh and bah are wonderful words
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Raisin
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Tue Oct 14, 2008 5:52 pm

so no-one likes him.
Therefore, he sits by himself
every lunch time.
In the beginning there was nothing, and it exploded. (Terry Pratchett on the Big Bang Theory)
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sundays50
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Thu Oct 16, 2008 1:06 am

every lunchtime
he eats a tuna sandwich
every lunchtime
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Lake
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Thu Oct 16, 2008 3:13 am

every lunchtime
the phone rings off the hook, loud.
dead quiet after.
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Elphin
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Thu Oct 16, 2008 9:32 am

Dead, quiet after
we have nailed the coffin lid.
Even when breathing?
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barrie
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Thu Oct 16, 2008 9:38 am

Even when breathing
some people act like they're dead -
the dead have more life.
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
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Lake
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Thu Oct 16, 2008 12:11 pm

the dead have more life
the living live with more death
he quits Life and Death
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barrie
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Thu Oct 16, 2008 12:42 pm

He quits Life and Death,
rides on the back of Peng
over this and that.
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
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Lake
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Thu Oct 16, 2008 1:24 pm

over this and that,
a butterfly or himself –
totally confused.
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mesmie
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Thu Oct 16, 2008 2:52 pm

totally confused
in the midst of fallen leaves
blackberry picking
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Raisin
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Thu Oct 16, 2008 4:13 pm

blackberry picking,
autumn boldly flaunts its wares,
then weeps gold-green tears.
In the beginning there was nothing, and it exploded. (Terry Pratchett on the Big Bang Theory)
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sneaker
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Thu Oct 16, 2008 9:14 pm

Then weeps gold-green tears
on the minty wet hazy
fields of cobweb glints.
"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need. " M.Jagger
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mesmie
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Thu Oct 16, 2008 10:08 pm

fields of coweb glint
frayed turf sodden with lost time
a womans tears fall
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pitseleh
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Thu Oct 16, 2008 11:04 pm

a womans tears fall
unblamed by the singing moon
skirted suede meadows
Aren't people absurd! They never use the freedoms they do have but demand those they don't have; they have freedom of thought, they demand freedom of speech.
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sneaker
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Fri Oct 17, 2008 3:24 pm

Skirted suede meadows
peopled with leather cows
and giant marshmallows
"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need. " M.Jagger
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Raisin
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Fri Oct 17, 2008 3:35 pm

and giant mashmallows,
that dive down and bounce about
in dark chocolate
In the beginning there was nothing, and it exploded. (Terry Pratchett on the Big Bang Theory)
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Cooper
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Fri Oct 17, 2008 3:49 pm

in dark chocolate
I bathed my naughty children
Smooth, sugary skin
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barrie
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Fri Oct 17, 2008 4:48 pm

Smooth, sugary skin
is of no matter to me -
I like crunchy bones.
After letting go of branches and walking through the ape gait, we managed to grasp what hands were really for......
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Lake
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Fri Oct 17, 2008 5:33 pm

“I like crunchy bones.”
I told the dentist. “That’s why
all your teeth get ground.”
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