A threatened summer is weakening now:
Its hardier days arrive in paltry gangs of two
or three, freckle the odd nose, stripe an occasional
shoulder, bubble resurfaced roads, then leave
for Southern towns; More conducive to heat
and its putrefying effects.
She asks me, “Which book will you take on holiday”
I say, “Can you escape twice in one week?”
I’ll let the lemon groves and mountains decide.
Perhaps buy an obituary of dead fishermen
once I’m there and bored with hazy-peace.
Occasional summer
I like colons after first lines. Question the capital M in "More". And line 6 sounds slightly forced. Is there a way of being more dorect - its putreactions, the flies it brings?
Nice poem. Great last line; interesting what a difference a hyphen can make.
Nice poem. Great last line; interesting what a difference a hyphen can make.
Very much enjoyed this one - plenty of personal application.
Right from the title it has true British humour. All non-Brits should be saying, 'Oh yes, they're always talking about the weather.'
'A threatening summer', promising but rarely keeping its promise, and such a stranger its promise seems more like a threat.
I like the contrast hardier/ paltry in close proximity. The word 'gangs' carrying on the suggestion of threat, more an attack than a pleasure.
'to stripe an occasional shoulder', a neat expression that gives a complete picture.
So the summer moves off to Southern towns - like down here in Somerset!!
'putrefying' !! now, is that sarcastic, sour grapes?
'Which book will you take?' We pay good money, board a plane and fly hundreds of miles to sit and read a book. True. My excuse is that if I'm at home there's always some job to do.
Have to confess that I don't really grab the meaning of 'escape twice in one week. Maybe something about getting through two books.
'lemon groves and mountains' another complete picture in a few words. Makes me want to get on one of those planes again.
'obit of dead fishermen' ? that really foxes me, though the expression is appealing.
'bored with hazy-peace' something familiar about that feeling.
Compact, the words carefully chosen, none wasted as far as I can see.
Truths told with the tongue in the cheek and a little wicked humour.
The line separations are a bit quirky but it looks good on paper.
This will be one of my favourites. Leslie.
Right from the title it has true British humour. All non-Brits should be saying, 'Oh yes, they're always talking about the weather.'
'A threatening summer', promising but rarely keeping its promise, and such a stranger its promise seems more like a threat.
I like the contrast hardier/ paltry in close proximity. The word 'gangs' carrying on the suggestion of threat, more an attack than a pleasure.
'to stripe an occasional shoulder', a neat expression that gives a complete picture.
So the summer moves off to Southern towns - like down here in Somerset!!
'putrefying' !! now, is that sarcastic, sour grapes?
'Which book will you take?' We pay good money, board a plane and fly hundreds of miles to sit and read a book. True. My excuse is that if I'm at home there's always some job to do.
Have to confess that I don't really grab the meaning of 'escape twice in one week. Maybe something about getting through two books.
'lemon groves and mountains' another complete picture in a few words. Makes me want to get on one of those planes again.
'obit of dead fishermen' ? that really foxes me, though the expression is appealing.
'bored with hazy-peace' something familiar about that feeling.
Compact, the words carefully chosen, none wasted as far as I can see.
Truths told with the tongue in the cheek and a little wicked humour.
The line separations are a bit quirky but it looks good on paper.
This will be one of my favourites. Leslie.
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camus
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Thanks guys.
KJ, Capital M, yes should probably go. As regards hyphens, I agree, what a fine little tool. Since being on here I've taken recommended reading on board and Mr Hughes turned me on to the beauty of the hyphen.
Leslie,
Appreciate your in-depth critique towards poems on here, i wish i could apply myself in the same manner.
RE "escape twice in one week" For me a holiday is an escape and so is reading. I do find it difficult to understand how a person can spend their time on distant shores reading, when there is so much escapism surrounding them! Although a fair point that there is always something else to do at home.
cheers
Kris
KJ, Capital M, yes should probably go. As regards hyphens, I agree, what a fine little tool. Since being on here I've taken recommended reading on board and Mr Hughes turned me on to the beauty of the hyphen.
Leslie,
Appreciate your in-depth critique towards poems on here, i wish i could apply myself in the same manner.
RE "escape twice in one week" For me a holiday is an escape and so is reading. I do find it difficult to understand how a person can spend their time on distant shores reading, when there is so much escapism surrounding them! Although a fair point that there is always something else to do at home.
cheers
Kris
http://www.closetpoet.co.uk
Really liked the opening lines to this, especially as the days outside the window seem to echo them.
"bubble resurfaced roads" took me back a few years to being a kid on the streets after the trucks had just gone by. It made me laugh remembering that, cheers
As to "which book...." "...twice in one week" I smiled at the thought of the arguments me and my brother had recently about what books we were taking.
I took 2 with me for a fortnight; glad I did as the place turned out to be a perfect place to go explore the area when looking for something to do, read them in the first few days and then just spent many many days in
"hazy-peace".
Great poem
"bubble resurfaced roads" took me back a few years to being a kid on the streets after the trucks had just gone by. It made me laugh remembering that, cheers
As to "which book...." "...twice in one week" I smiled at the thought of the arguments me and my brother had recently about what books we were taking.
I took 2 with me for a fortnight; glad I did as the place turned out to be a perfect place to go explore the area when looking for something to do, read them in the first few days and then just spent many many days in
"hazy-peace".
Great poem