Edited:-
Your smile makes me believe
only songs need sweet tunes,
that which itself is honeyed
doesn't require melodies.
Original: -
Your smiles make me think
every song needs a charm …
that which is honeyed
doesn’t require melodies.
Saccharine
Last edited by arunansu on Mon Nov 17, 2008 12:34 pm, edited 3 times in total.
I enjoyed this, even though I'm not sure why, if that makes any kind of sense? You've played cleverly with the mix of descriptions of the smile / song, which works very well (though at first I wasn't sure whether it was quite right...) It left me feeling a bit topsy-turvy (or is that just because I've got chronic eye strain at the moment?) But well done - I must have read this a dozen times now.
Cheers,
Jon
Cheers,
Jon
Thanks Jms for your reply. you are perfectly right in your observations. I 'd like to know what you think of the revision.
Cheers.
Cheers.
That's a much better read!
Nice one Aru,
I think the revision is a real improvement and makes for better reading.
Once again, a well chosen subject negotiated in a skilful manner.
All the best
Danté
I think the revision is a real improvement and makes for better reading.
Once again, a well chosen subject negotiated in a skilful manner.
All the best
Danté
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch