I Wait

[Brendan]

What keeps you
my dear?
Sweet cailín of Cathair Saidhbhín.

I watch this night
in that secret room.
Look-out from these castle walls.

Mountains peer
beyond my shoulder.
Silhouettes of barley dance.

We wait

What keeps you
my love
from my arms this night.
I pray not a hearts lament

So quickly
come
I stand at the shore
Till dawn I wait if I must

Hurry my angel
Come to me
That I again may know your love

That I again may be your love.

[Lake]

Hi Brendan,

Believe it or not, I wrote a poem with the same title "I wait".

This is a nice love poem. I like "Mountains peer/beyond my shoulder." But I'm not quite sure of your use of punctuation and upper and lower cases in some places.

Best,

Lake

[David]

This reads like a translation from Old Irish, Brendan. (Another Brendan!)

If it isn't, you seem to my inexpert eyes to have captured the same sort of feeling very well.

Cheers

David

[dedalus]

Lovely. An aisling, in truth. You might want to check this one out. Or not.
http://miserafteiri.blogspot.com/search?q=Aisling

Brendan (another one)

[Danté]

Brendan

I like the simplicity and open structure of this, it´s nice to read a love poem from time to time, and this one seems to work without being all pretentious.

Thanks for the read

Danté

[Brendan]

Guys and Girls

Replying to you all in one post. Really glad that you all seem to like this. I wa caught in a moment in Caherciveen in south west Ireland when I went for a walk and stumbled upon a castle ruin lookiing over the estury to the town. I could not help but think of young lovers meeting secretely in the castle so they could be together without anyone noticing. I also wanted to capture the concealment of their love, having to hide from parents and the like so they could be together, a young man waiting at the castle wondering if his love had managed to escape secretely from her home.

I had no other reference point in terms of older poetry only that the castle ruin raised a magical sense of beauty and medeivalness.

Punctuation and capitals is something i have no idea about. I just doont get how that is all to work. Maybe someone can offer me some advice. I also looked at the Aisling and see the similarities, but do feel that the one i looked at was somewhat more mature than mine, but I did like the simplicity of a young waiting, wondering.

Thank you guys for your comments.

[Suzanne]

Brendan,
I liked this and think that I would like to read more of your work, post on!
The simplicity appeals to me.

Suzanne

[Brendan]

Thank you Suzanne - I feel though that I am a very much a novice in that a lot of other peoples poetry seems to be somewhat more refined than mine, I am very much feeling my way with this. I will post another poem up tonight called 'No more', again all to do with matters of the heart, from where most of my poetry comes from. So you can have a gander. I shall also have a look at some of your stuff too.

I have posted other poems in the past such as 'last night' and 'crowd' and others i cant remember. Anyways, have a look and thank you for your encouragement.