Minor Gossip
Repeating exactly her mother’s words
we listen, through munched chocolates,
fact and fantasy,
burbling up into the ceiling.
It was one of those mind-opening chatters,
her mother couldn’t care for her hair,
the hairdressers could do it, when she got a job.
She verbally tripped over her jelly babies,
or rather bears, complaining about
their lack of eyes and proper feet.
Hoped her dad wouldn’t shout at her mum
while they were visiting friends.
Each uncle and auntie,
was paid homage with a few choice words from her,
nothing too harsh
just those a five year old would blurt,
without too much green envy ,
red faces, or blue words.
Minor Gossip
Hi
I thought this was really well written with the alternative voices of a child and adult. The only part I wasn't sure about was the complaining about jelly babies - this sounded a little older than the rest of the words that I think were spoken by the child. Hope I've understood it correctly. An enjoyable read.
I thought this was really well written with the alternative voices of a child and adult. The only part I wasn't sure about was the complaining about jelly babies - this sounded a little older than the rest of the words that I think were spoken by the child. Hope I've understood it correctly. An enjoyable read.
glad you liked....yes the child was chatting about the relevance of jelly baby parts too lolkaralma wrote:Hi
I thought this was really well written with the alternative voices of a child and adult. The only part I wasn't sure about was the complaining about jelly babies - this sounded a little older than the rest of the words that I think were spoken by the child. Hope I've understood it correctly. An enjoyable read.
thanks
El
Some wonderfull imagery here. I can't help but see the people in this poem as imprefect confectionaries, half made jelly babies with chocalatey hair, they all seem so sweet. You get a real sense of affection for everyone mentioned here even in spite, or even perhaps 'because' of their imperfections. It reminded me of the Royle family, all sitting round indulging taste and making silacious small talk. Well done,
Leigh
Leigh
lol royle family indeed.....you could be quite near there leighLeigh wrote:Some wonderfull imagery here. I can't help but see the people in this poem as imprefect confectionaries, half made jelly babies with chocalatey hair, they all seem so sweet. You get a real sense of affection for everyone mentioned here even in spite, or even perhaps 'because' of their imperfections. It reminded me of the Royle family, all sitting round indulging taste and making silacious small talk. Well done,
Leigh
big thanks
El
they can drop a bombshell or three lol...Sure, enjoyed listening to such gossip! Very well written.
Smiles.
Smiles.
-
Suzanne
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 4902
- Joined: Sun Oct 19, 2008 4:46 pm
- antispam: no
- Location: Land of the Midnight Sun
fact and fantasy,
burbling up into the ceiling.
Marvelous line.
I work with children and hear this kind of gossip daily.
The things kids blurt out about thier parents private lives is shocking...
but a good teacher does not tell the parent everything they have been told.
Something are best not acknowledged...
Very nice write.
Yesterday, I was with Spiderman and then flew spacecrafts over the zoo.
Suzanne
burbling up into the ceiling.
Marvelous line.
I work with children and hear this kind of gossip daily.
The things kids blurt out about thier parents private lives is shocking...
but a good teacher does not tell the parent everything they have been told.
Something are best not acknowledged...
Very nice write.
Yesterday, I was with Spiderman and then flew spacecrafts over the zoo.
Suzanne
Good piece, El
You have some really rich lines and have used colour in a way that reads fresh, which is a very
difficult thing to achieve, with so many poems using them in a lazy way.
The whole thing is convincing and very well balanced.
Give yourself a pat on the back, its a cracker, really enjoyed the realism, put together in
such a pleasant to read package.
all the best
Tim
You have some really rich lines and have used colour in a way that reads fresh, which is a very
difficult thing to achieve, with so many poems using them in a lazy way.
The whole thing is convincing and very well balanced.
Give yourself a pat on the back, its a cracker, really enjoyed the realism, put together in
such a pleasant to read package.
all the best
Tim
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch