Published Writer Seeks Your Opinion (Please Be Gentle!)

[Kirkland]

Dear fellow scribblers,

My name is Kirkland. I’m a twenty three year old Glaswegian performance poet and my recent shows (small though they were) garnered favourable reviews from everyone. I’m about to publish a collection of my stuff called Tales Of Ordinary Sadness and what I want to do, what I would be grateful to all you for, is your honest views. I need an honest but fair appraisal of my stuff and (abiding by the rules of this forum) I will post one poem and let you review it. I’d be eternally grateful for your opinions and what you say may shape how my collection looks finally. I’ve come to a point where I’m totally happy with it – it’s very kitchen sink/black humour with a punk enthusiasm in it. I might even give you a mention!

Here are the contents and if there’s anything you like the sound of and then please tell me and I’ll post it at some point for you pleasure/horror.

Tales Of Ordinary Sadnessas told by Kirkland:

A Son’s Mother
Boxes
Stud
Real Life
Saturday Night Is Family Night
Grantisocial Behaviour (a short story)
Glasgow Girls
Magick
Oh Goddess, Where Is Thy Fork?
A Glass Too Many
Red Hair
Not Another Greatest Hits Compilation
Dear Samuel
The Silent Years
A Romantic Vision Of Glasgow (That I Invented)
Lauren Wants More Attention But Needs More Love
Do You Believe In Revolution?
Talking Turkey (a short story)
A Crime Of Passion
Kate Moss Is Repulsive
The Singer
Jolene (a short story)
The Monkey Mafia
Shelby
David Tennant & Paisley Hell
Cumbernauld
Skateboard Of Wrath!
Sex Granny
Louise Brooks
The Devil And Miss Jones
Philosophy Turned My Friends Into Enemies
Tea Time Viewing
A Word (or sixteen) From Kirkland
Real Men Go Commando
Who Burned Bobby Bryson?
Corrupting Effects Of Power
Milk Spilled
Happy Birthday Miss Kimba Lee
High Rise Noises
The Real People’s Court
Aimee Harrison (a short story)
CCTV
What Father Said To Me
Royal Tart
Brother John
Cleanliness Is Next To Psychosis (a short story)
I Am Not Russell Grant!
Pills, Thrills & Accidental Kills
Supermarket Superstar
Two Bus Rides
My Useless Uncle
London Underground
“Where’s The F**king Drugs Kept?”
Glasgow Girls (2) or Cyndi’s Prophecy
O.C.D.
Professional Virgin…
(Sleb) (A short story)
Stop Idolising Rebecca Loos
My Favourite Smacky
Big Trouble In Little Beirut
Girl Power (a short story)
Happy Slapping!
A P**ck With A Stick (a short story)
In A Care Home, Reluctantly




I’ll post Glasgow Girls today. It seemed to be the favourite with people.

Glasgow Girls

Whatever happened to the Glasgow Girls?
They’ve aged so quickly.
What has been done to them?
Fifteen going on forty with sunken eyes and thick thighs,
Day after day they push prams and suck lollies,
Their children in bondage
Paraded around like wee dollies.
Pram faces everywhere I look,
Fill the bottles with Buckfast!
Celebrate the birth with beer and pizza!

Whatever happened to the Glasgow Girls?
They’ve gone ever so sickly.
Stabbing their friends in the back at the cheapest rates,
Hiding from the Provident man in their council estates.
Tell me please, Glasgow Girl, where are you going today?
I bet you’re visiting your boyfriend in jail.
Your poor daughters given glam names befitting botox’d bints on the box:
“Chantal! Where are mummy’s eccy pills?”
“Chardonnay? Where’s yer daddy’s secret stash of hash?”
I’ll tell you where, Glasgow Girl.
Your daughter swallowed it because she thought it was chocolate.

[pb]

Firstly, you don't need me to be gentle, you got yourself a book deal! Nice one...

Secondly (and stupidly), I thought the list of titles made a good poem!!

Glasgow Girls would benefit from being read aloud in a Glaswegian accent, particularly the last few lines.

Nice raw scorn, good structure and length, perhaps a bit basic in some departments, for example:

“Chantal! Where are mummy’s eccy pills?”
“Chardonnay? Where’s yer daddy’s secret stash of hash?”

Good subject matter, though.

Wouldn't mind hearing 'Sex Granny' and/or 'Kate Moss is Repulsive'.

pb

[camus]

Welcome Kirkland,

To be honest I hope the other poems are of a higher quality.

"Glasgow Girls" seems to be a collection of Working class cliches, and the occasional rhymes seem forced.

I like the look of some of your other titles though, please post some.

[cameron]

Hi Kirk, welcome to the forum.

This poem is very similar in style and content to Mrs Albion You've Got A Lovely Daughter by Adrian Henri.

I agree with Kris that your portrayal is a wee bit stereotyped.

Look forward to more.

Cam

[dillingworth]

I'd agree with cam and kris - there are stereotypes aplenty in this, i think many working class glaswegians would take a great deal of offence! not that it's bad to slag off a group of people, i'd just like to see it done with more panache and originality.

i think the stereotyping really kicks in with the refs to "council estates" and "visiting your boyfriend in prison" - the first section on their appearance was better.

I think this would seem less unoriginal if you focussed less on typical behaviours and more on why the "glasgow girls" might be acting as they do - or if that's too touchy-feely, then maybe challenge some of our stereotypical views rather than just reproducing them.

[Kirkland]

Hullo and thank you for the quick reply. Glasgow Girls has always went down well live but I think that's because in person you can see my tongue is firmly in my cheek. It's does have all the cliches but that was on purpose. Sometimes I wonder if I'm taking the mick or celebrating the so-called lower class. I'm very barbed! I don't intend for it to be a proper reflection of the working class as I can't be bothered defending them!

I take you opinions seriously and thank you for your eloquent and intelligent replies.

I'll test a few more out on you all and I await what you say with the greatest of pleasure. I do realise my 'style' won't be to everyone's tastes but bear in mind my work is pop culture and class obsessed.

I'm going to post a few more things. I'll stick up Kate Moss Is Repulsive (this always gets a good reception too and a few cheers) at some point further in the week.