Four Forty Nine

[seeksthebalance]

Smiles across this open office space,
I watch them wash up at your desk. Gushing.
The faint repugnance of Hugo's designer ocean wafts
mockingly from beneath their masks.
A clip on world of BMW arrogance and false modesty.
They play nervously with nicotine stained fingers
and suck away their cares in a frantic five minutes of fresh air.

Eternal then, as the foundation saint,
you laugh in all the right places.
Am I so green, desperately naive,
in envy of their futile efforts to please,
or am I eternal too because I do not allow
more than a lazy smile when I catch your eye?

As the sand slips softly through your steady hands
we fall back into a Health and Safety net of pushed paper,
waiting out the tide that will rise neck high,
longing for its turn at four forty nine.

[Bombadil]

STB,

Confusing. But well written. If that's what you were going for...good job.

Cheers,

Bombadil

[william]

I'm confused as well (whew). I'm not sure I see the significance of 449 (4:49?). I'd pick some images I liked and put some breathers in this. I get the distinct sense this isn't just a retreat into abstraction, there is a point in there somehwere. PS: is it my imagination or should the second stanza end in a question mark?

- will

[seeksthebalance]

Cheers for the comments guys.

Bombadil:

To me there is no confusion in this, but then I wrote it so I perhaps understand a bit better what its about.

Will:

Yes that should be a question mark (ooops). The significance of 4:49 is to do with the time at which most office workers finish their days graft and go home (5pm).

This is a first draft and one that I will work on so if you could clarify what exactly you found confusing then I will be better placed to bring the ideas into focus. Look forward to further thoughts.

Seeks.

[Bombadil]

looks like you'll just be taking a walk then, don't it?

[seeksthebalance]

Bombadil, your response seems quite hostile. I thought constructive criticism was the order of the day here. I assure you I did not mean any provokation in my reply to your post; I was merely asking for a clarification of your comments. Sorry if I failed to make that clear.

Seeks

[Bombadil]

Perhaps then, we misunderstood each other. I took your comment as hostile. It seems we are mutually unintending offenders.


Cheers,

Keith

[camus]

Steady on boys.

No mutually unintending shite on here thanks.

Just thought I exercise my power as a moderator... ... Felt Good.

Kidding of course.

Another forum I used to post on, handed the "Moderator Power" over to a regular contributor, the results were hilarious. He'd stay up for hours on end "moderating" each and every post for "Language issues" he'd change or delete full poems, a virtual rebellion ensued - last heard playing "More Golf" Twat.

[pseud]

intended shite is allowed then?

[Bombadil]

abso-fucking-lutely.

hehe.

[seeksthebalance]

Glad thats all cleared up.

I'll try to think more about what I write next time.

seeks.