The urbane Inspector seals the area.
Under questioning secrets are revealed.
Alibis crumble under pressure.
Strange tyre tracks are found in a nearby field.
In the servants' quarters letters are discovered.
Nothing's quite what it appeared to be.
A trapdoor comes to light, a hidden cupboard.
The Inspector loses his urbanity,
but solves the case. Order is restored,
like someone righting deck chairs on a lawn
after a summer shower. The sullen cloud
retreats, abashed, before the complacent sun.
What time is it? I make it ten to three.
While some play tennis, some bring out the tea.
A country house murder
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BenJohnson
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Very relaxed sonnet there David. Somehow it put me in mind of Rupert Brookes and Grantchester. I'd like to know who dunnit? 
I like the strong volta, with life being restored to normal unruffled behaviour I can almost smell the scones and jam.
I like the strong volta, with life being restored to normal unruffled behaviour I can almost smell the scones and jam.
This almost felt a bit throw away, I expected to have the Inspector enjoying tea in the last line. Not much of a crit, but then not much to crit.The Inspector loses his urbanity,
but solves the case.
Thanks Ben. I must admit I'm pleased to get a "but" in, right at my volta. (That may be the strangest sentence I've ever typed.)
The Inspector has been shown off the premises, now that his presence there no longer has to be tolerated.
"Somehow it put you in mind of Rupert Brookes and Grantchester" - somehow? You do know how, don't you?
Whodunnit? I dunno. You have to take a relaxed approach to that - like in "The Big Sleep".
Cheers
David
The Inspector has been shown off the premises, now that his presence there no longer has to be tolerated.
"Somehow it put you in mind of Rupert Brookes and Grantchester" - somehow? You do know how, don't you?
Whodunnit? I dunno. You have to take a relaxed approach to that - like in "The Big Sleep".
Cheers
David
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BenJohnson
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I do know, I realised about ten seconds after typing that sentence
Ah makes more sense, de-urbanised but not enough to be invited to tea, no mixing with the lower classes, especially of that type.
Hurrah for the 'but' in your volta, I wait for the day I have a similar experience.
Ah makes more sense, de-urbanised but not enough to be invited to tea, no mixing with the lower classes, especially of that type.
Hurrah for the 'but' in your volta, I wait for the day I have a similar experience.
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PhilipCFJohnson
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This captured perfectly the detective story/show essence, it could have easily been called "Sonnet for Midsomer"
Loved the rhymes too! "discovered" and "cupboard" was my favourite!
It's really relaxing how you're not strict with the iambic pentameter! I ought to make a note of this, because I tend to be too strict with meter, but the more free areas bring out the iambs better in the pentametric ones!
Enjoyed the read!
Off to watch Inspector Morse now!
All the best
Phil
Loved the rhymes too! "discovered" and "cupboard" was my favourite!
It's really relaxing how you're not strict with the iambic pentameter!
I ought to make a note of this, because I tend to be too strict with meter, but the more free areas bring out the iambs better in the pentametric ones!Enjoyed the read!
Off to watch Inspector Morse now!
All the best
Phil
Last edited by PhilipCFJohnson on Thu Feb 05, 2009 4:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Specto Nusquam
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ray miller
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I loved the first 8 lines but when the inspector loses his urbanity(great line!) the style changes. An arbitrary line break doesn't help but cloud and restored doesn't have the crispness of the other rhymes.
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
David
Order is restored,/like someone righting deck chairs on a lawn/after a summer shower.
The right words in exactly the right order - they capture everything thats in this scene.
pressure/area - it must be an accent thing!!
Good un
elph
Order is restored,/like someone righting deck chairs on a lawn/after a summer shower.
The right words in exactly the right order - they capture everything thats in this scene.
pressure/area - it must be an accent thing!!
Good un
elph
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oranggunung
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David
I didn’t spot the sonnet format until S3. Even so, I’m not a fan of the first half of the piece. The isolation of the first 7 lines into their own sentences was very frustrating. I can believe there was an intention to break this format near the end of the sonnet, but the staccato feel to the first two verses was very distracting.
The content seems fine until the end; I’m afraid I missed the joke there. It felt out of context.
This doesn’t feel fully rounded to me.
Missed the mark, even if the cad did get their comeuppance.
og
I didn’t spot the sonnet format until S3. Even so, I’m not a fan of the first half of the piece. The isolation of the first 7 lines into their own sentences was very frustrating. I can believe there was an intention to break this format near the end of the sonnet, but the staccato feel to the first two verses was very distracting.
The content seems fine until the end; I’m afraid I missed the joke there. It felt out of context.
This doesn’t feel fully rounded to me.
Missed the mark, even if the cad did get their comeuppance.
og
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Sharra
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Hi David
I enjoyed reading this, as Phil said it really capture the feel of an afternoon watching Morse or Midsomer Murders.
I especially loved
'Order is restored,
like someone righting deck chairs on a lawn
after a summer shower. '
I only had a couple of niggles really. One was the stanza break after 'The Inspector loses his urbanity' - it felt too big a break, and almost like there was a stanza missing between 'urbanity' and 'But' - the mystery was solved to quickly for me. I wondered if maybe you could replace the loss of urbanity with the discovery of a vital clue, something similar in feel to the previous clues.
I also wasn't keen on the last couplet, the first line of it felt unrelated to the rest of the poem, I didn't feel the relevance of the time. But maybe I'm just being dozy
Sharra
xx
I enjoyed reading this, as Phil said it really capture the feel of an afternoon watching Morse or Midsomer Murders.
I especially loved
'Order is restored,
like someone righting deck chairs on a lawn
after a summer shower. '
I only had a couple of niggles really. One was the stanza break after 'The Inspector loses his urbanity' - it felt too big a break, and almost like there was a stanza missing between 'urbanity' and 'But' - the mystery was solved to quickly for me. I wondered if maybe you could replace the loss of urbanity with the discovery of a vital clue, something similar in feel to the previous clues.
I also wasn't keen on the last couplet, the first line of it felt unrelated to the rest of the poem, I didn't feel the relevance of the time. But maybe I'm just being dozy
Sharra
xx
It is at the edge of the
petal that love waits
petal that love waits
That was the line that stood out for me, too. Lovely image.Order is restored,
like someone righting deck chairs on a lawn
after a summer shower.
But overall it seems too knowing, too arch. If it depends on a precise knowledge of the form, as in
( not surprised you found that a strange sentence to type) and the reference to the clock standing at three (which I'm ashamed to say I did get, being of a certain age) then is it universal enough? Or don't you mind?I must admit I'm pleased to get a "but" in, right at my volta
Just my thoughts...
'There is a place beyond right and wrong, and I will meet you there.' Rumi
Thanks, Phil, but I resent the implication that I have ever managed to get through even one segment of Midsomer Bollocks without flouncing out of the room proclaiming that this is really rubbish. (Morse is far better, I agree.)
I am quite keen on keeping the old iambic pentameter nice and loose. Like ... well, never mind.
Ray, the style does change there, doesn't it. I'm not sure whether it should, but it definitely does.
Elph - yay for accents. I'm sure you'll be a grass man, rather than grarse, any day.
Funny enough, og, I though there might be more objections to all that end stopping. It is very staccato, but I thought it worked. I think of 'em as being like brief chapter titles as you work your way through the book.
Glad you enjoyed it, Sharra. Interesting idea about the clue as well. I wasn't sure how long I could sustain that list of sentences. And, in the last couplet, I try to reach for some sort of socio-economic class statement, possibly mistakenly.
It may well be too knowing and too arch, Epicurean Phil, but that's more for you to say, as a reader, than me. Oh, you did say it. Well, if that's how it strikes you, I can't really argue about it. Still, I can't believe you're opposed to the idea of allusion altogether, and (hopefully) even if someone doesn't recognise where the phrase "ten to three" comes from, they're going to know it's a very nice time of the afternoon and, in fact, nearly time for tea. In certain circles, I should say.
As for the volta, the archness is probably more in the commentary than in the poem. Knowing that the classical sonnet sort of changes gear or direction at line 9 makes having a "but" there quietly satisfying, but (sic), again, you don't need to know that to know whether you enjoy the poem or not. It is, again, just another possible layer of enjoyment. I hope.
Anyway, I have enjoyed reading your comments. Cheers all.
David
I am quite keen on keeping the old iambic pentameter nice and loose. Like ... well, never mind.
Ray, the style does change there, doesn't it. I'm not sure whether it should, but it definitely does.
Elph - yay for accents. I'm sure you'll be a grass man, rather than grarse, any day.
Funny enough, og, I though there might be more objections to all that end stopping. It is very staccato, but I thought it worked. I think of 'em as being like brief chapter titles as you work your way through the book.
Glad you enjoyed it, Sharra. Interesting idea about the clue as well. I wasn't sure how long I could sustain that list of sentences. And, in the last couplet, I try to reach for some sort of socio-economic class statement, possibly mistakenly.
It may well be too knowing and too arch, Epicurean Phil, but that's more for you to say, as a reader, than me. Oh, you did say it. Well, if that's how it strikes you, I can't really argue about it. Still, I can't believe you're opposed to the idea of allusion altogether, and (hopefully) even if someone doesn't recognise where the phrase "ten to three" comes from, they're going to know it's a very nice time of the afternoon and, in fact, nearly time for tea. In certain circles, I should say.
As for the volta, the archness is probably more in the commentary than in the poem. Knowing that the classical sonnet sort of changes gear or direction at line 9 makes having a "but" there quietly satisfying, but (sic), again, you don't need to know that to know whether you enjoy the poem or not. It is, again, just another possible layer of enjoyment. I hope.
Anyway, I have enjoyed reading your comments. Cheers all.
David
Hi David -
Reading my post and your reply in the cold light of day I think I was much too quick to criticise. I don't really disapprove of allusion - that would be absurd - and you're right, of course, that the 'but' in your volta (it still makes me smile) is 'quietly satisfying', whether or not the reader is aware of its structural subtlety.
Maybe, as you say, I was reacting to a hint of archness in the commentary, not in the poem.
Heyho. Post in haste, repent at leisure...
Phil
Reading my post and your reply in the cold light of day I think I was much too quick to criticise. I don't really disapprove of allusion - that would be absurd - and you're right, of course, that the 'but' in your volta (it still makes me smile) is 'quietly satisfying', whether or not the reader is aware of its structural subtlety.
Maybe, as you say, I was reacting to a hint of archness in the commentary, not in the poem.
Heyho. Post in haste, repent at leisure...
Phil
'There is a place beyond right and wrong, and I will meet you there.' Rumi
There are times, David, when you take my breath away. Agatha Christie wrote ... what? ... 100 books and was obviously wasting her time. Cut to the chase. You are such a beguiling bastard!.... Order is restored,
like someone righting deck chairs on a lawn
after a summer shower. The sullen cloud
retreats, abashed, before the complacent sun.
Kudos,
Bren
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Ros
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You're a bit of a wiz at sonnets, David. I had a quick look at a sonnet-only forum but it seems very daunting. I like your volta but can't really comment on the form. The gap before the but does feel wrong, though, and I'd have liked a bit more detail on how he solved the case. The final couplet is spot on for the period.
Rosencrantz: What are you playing at? Guildenstern: Words. Words. They're all we have to go on.
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Antiphon - www.antiphon.org.uk
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Antiphon - www.antiphon.org.uk
Hi David,
I too like the deckchair image, as much for the tone of your expression as the subtlety of the simile. My only criticism would be that for a poem that deals with a genre so fascinated with decorum, you have a lot of variation on the traditional iambic pentameter line. I usually prefer para-rhyme to full rhyme but here the full rhyme might be more fitting.
I can see how the staccato and the variation gives it a particular tone though.
Regards
Richard (Basnik)
I too like the deckchair image, as much for the tone of your expression as the subtlety of the simile. My only criticism would be that for a poem that deals with a genre so fascinated with decorum, you have a lot of variation on the traditional iambic pentameter line. I usually prefer para-rhyme to full rhyme but here the full rhyme might be more fitting.
I can see how the staccato and the variation gives it a particular tone though.
Regards
Richard (Basnik)
bez prace, nejsou kolaci - without work, there are no cakes (Czech proverb)
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Raisin
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Liked this a lot David. Very Midsummer Murders to me, even if I don't watch it! The last line is a great ending, and as the others have said, it's a nice, relaxed tone all the through with a slightly sinister undetone.
Thanks,
Raisin
Thanks,
Raisin
In the beginning there was nothing, and it exploded. (Terry Pratchett on the Big Bang Theory)
I'm not sure about the meter in this, is it meant to be iambic?
The rhymes or half-rhymes, I should say, work well aside from 'area' and 'pressure' which isn't really a big deal. There's a problem with tense in line six, but it's easily fixed.
Why does the inspector lose his 'urbanity'? You would think that the discovery of the trapdoor and the cupboard might please him, and what about the case, who was guilty? Does it matter?
The first part of the poem makes me picture a 'midsomer murders' kind of scene; land rovers in the fields, wax jackets, hurried, guilty sounding maids etc. then we've got deck chairs and tennis and tea which makes me picture a quaint scene of urban life, reminiscent of Saki. I like it, but is it in keeping with the rest? Life goes on, but doesn't it always?
It's well written, of course, but I'm not sure if I'm seeing the picture as you saw it. I seem to get a mixed message.
The rhymes or half-rhymes, I should say, work well aside from 'area' and 'pressure' which isn't really a big deal. There's a problem with tense in line six, but it's easily fixed.
Why does the inspector lose his 'urbanity'? You would think that the discovery of the trapdoor and the cupboard might please him, and what about the case, who was guilty? Does it matter?
The first part of the poem makes me picture a 'midsomer murders' kind of scene; land rovers in the fields, wax jackets, hurried, guilty sounding maids etc. then we've got deck chairs and tennis and tea which makes me picture a quaint scene of urban life, reminiscent of Saki. I like it, but is it in keeping with the rest? Life goes on, but doesn't it always?
It's well written, of course, but I'm not sure if I'm seeing the picture as you saw it. I seem to get a mixed message.
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OwenEdwards
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Well obviously you're a literary poof, but beyond that I really liked. I was puzzled at the loss of urbanity, but I suppose I link it to losing his composure and getting to the denouement. However, if that's not the case, that line might need work! I personally liked the first two verses best, the wonderful imagery that seemed to hint at Poirot as much as Midsomer.