Red

[RP]

In this instant, momentary lapses are common place,
Placating feelings I don’t know them without what we came for.
Yet as I wander into it,
You wander in too.

I feel like driving a nail through your eye.
I feel like ripping out your veins with my teeth.
I feel like snipping the cords that keep you together.

So what if I don’t look like you?
So what if you’re an inbred piece of shit?
That won’t stop me from watching you burn alive in acid.

You’re the insect that clicks over my head, in my space; insidiously waiting.
Poking me. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and
That’s just about enough to get me started.

I’m easy going. You’re incessant.
I only feel like this when you are around.

Go away.

[moniquejade]

HI RP, I like the anger and the boldness of this poem and the clarity. Its great to get emotion or frustration out on paper. The poem is about to burst but I hope you arent. best wishes mj

[RP]

No, fortunately I'm not! Though I certainly feel better after letting out some 'hot weather touchiness'. A classic case of writing being a therepeutic exercise!

[unchained soul]

Hi RP,

Very good poem. Im impressed. Particularly liked:

I feel like driving a nail through your eye.
I feel like ripping out your veins with my teeth.
I feel like snipping the cords that keep you together

Reminded me a bit of a Freddy Kruger movie. haha.

Rach

[Bombadil]

RP,

Apologies for not commenting on more of your stuff...though I know now why. This and most of your others I've read are too long-winded to suit me, and in my opinion, your purpose. This one in particular stands out: the writing is very good, powerful, evocative and angry. Nice. But it fizzles for line length and run-on sentences. May I suggest shortening the lines, if not the sentences as well? Also adding a few more stalls will give the occasionally acceptable run-on a better angry vibe.

Cheers,

Keith

[RP]

thanks for the advice!

rp