drip, drip

[Cooper]

a shower
dripping tap
dripping fresh paint
down the bathroom wall

this is my fault
everything is.
they can’t even see that
I’m clean.

[Lovely]

ooops cooper. Where be it then? The passion of poetry?

L

[Cooper]

yeah seems a bit pointless

[Cryptic Cadence]

I actually thought this was quite neat...the dripping fresh paint being the droplets of water moving down the wall, and the colour seemingly moving along with it like paint. I do not understand what S2 has to do with S1 though

[arunansu]

This is a nice write, Cooper. I feel the piece needs a better title perhaps. Enjoyed the read.

[indolentchild]

hey there,

I liked this read muchly! I think it has potential, if you want to develop it more. I read it a couple of times and came to the conclusion that the " I " in the poem could be developed, why was he/she dirty and who can't see that he/she is clean. The title seems a little bland I can't think of anything to suggest nor should I it is your work and you seem to know what you are on about! All in all me likey!

L

By the way... I am new to PG and to poetry so all my opinions are based entirely on what my head likes. Take it or leave it

[Suzanne]

Hi Cooper,
I think this was a good little poem with feeling. I agree that the title could make better, it would be great to see what you came up with.

I liked it.
Suzanne

[Dalena]

Cooper this is such a sweet thought evoking little piece.......

I have mixed feelings about developing this too much more..........it makes me think, as it is

This could be way off beam, but I am having thoughts of an addict who has managed to stay clean....
The muddle in the first verse which could happen to the best of us, being looked upon in the context
of the person's history, and then the tragedy of that person being drug free, having to deal with
the subtle but damning reactions of those around.....I am probaly way off......but enjoyed the thoughts.

Dalena x

[Cooper]

Helloo everyone.. Thankyou for the responses to this one... I haven't been able to decide whether I like it or not, was written in a couple of minutes.. Dalena, yeah that's it exactly, so.. Congatulations! I'll see if I can come up with a more fitting title..

Best,

Jack

[backinblack]

Well, if I'm honest,I liked it.

Binb.

[mesmie]

Cooper

I really think you don't have to do a thing with this one..

good stuff
mes

[Jasper]

Hey, C

a shower
dripping tap
dripping fresh paint
down the bathroom wall

this is my fault
everything is.
they can’t even see that
I’m clean.

I'd swap L1 and two around... maybe even use 'drip n tap' instead.

That's my fault ????... turns it anti-clockwise too.

Takes two to tango!

enjoyed
J

[Lovely]

You surely got something nice going on Cooper. Like to read more as you go on, so I can get a better idea of your passion and style.
You are someone perhaps who could paint a Titian masterpiece eventually.........nice work.




Enjoyed