Haiku Train

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
Suzanne
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Location: Land of the Midnight Sun

Fri Mar 20, 2009 6:38 pm

still love them today
may tell them so tomorrow
there's always a chance.
nar
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Location: Central Scotland

Fri Mar 20, 2009 11:53 pm

There's always a chance,
if you put me to the test --
I'm the first in line.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left. (Bertrand Russell)
Suzanne
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Location: Land of the Midnight Sun

Sat Mar 21, 2009 8:39 am

I'm the first in line
I've got my golden ticket;
you are in trouble.
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Raisin
Preponderant Poster
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Posts: 1028
Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:08 pm
Location: The land of daffodils and leeks

Sat Mar 21, 2009 8:09 pm

You are in trouble.
You tried to buy my ticket
for ten measly pounds.
In the beginning there was nothing, and it exploded. (Terry Pratchett on the Big Bang Theory)
PhilipCFJohnson
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Location: UK

Sat Mar 21, 2009 11:31 pm

For ten measly pounds
I can teach you a language
Parle vous anglais?
Specto Nusquam
BenJohnson
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Location: New Forest, UK
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Sat Mar 21, 2009 11:47 pm

"Parle vous anglais?"
In response to the blank look,
he says it louder.
PhilipCFJohnson
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Location: UK

Sun Mar 22, 2009 1:20 am

He says it louder,
He takes my hand, squeezing tight.
I don't want to go.
Specto Nusquam
BenJohnson
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Sun Mar 22, 2009 9:56 am

I don't want to go
but I must, the choice is made
bladder is bursting.
PhilipCFJohnson
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Location: UK

Sun Mar 22, 2009 12:16 pm

Bladder is bursting
Kidneys are both failing fast
Lungs are filling up
Specto Nusquam
BenJohnson
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Sun Mar 22, 2009 12:39 pm

Lungs are filling up
baby plays in the corner
passively smoking.
PhilipCFJohnson
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Location: UK

Sun Mar 22, 2009 12:52 pm

Passively smoking
He'll always smoke while we're out;
A social smoker.
Specto Nusquam
BenJohnson
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Sun Mar 22, 2009 1:05 pm

A social smoker
he huddles with his work mates
outside in the rain.
PhilipCFJohnson
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Location: UK

Sun Mar 22, 2009 1:09 pm

Outside in the rain
The pavement shines like silver
We all love "Les mis".
Specto Nusquam
BenJohnson
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Sun Mar 22, 2009 1:17 pm

We all love Les Mis
the old bugger who mutters
deep in the gutter.
PhilipCFJohnson
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Sun Mar 22, 2009 2:06 pm

Deep in the gutter
The resonance in our blood
Is at it's strongest.
Specto Nusquam
BenJohnson
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Sun Mar 22, 2009 2:25 pm

Is at its strongest
the moon yanks upon the tide
coastal towns at risk
PhilipCFJohnson
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Location: UK

Sun Mar 22, 2009 4:04 pm

Coastal towns at risk
As increasing long-shore drift
Eats away at shore
Specto Nusquam
bernard
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Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2009 6:05 pm
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Sun Mar 22, 2009 10:04 pm

Eats away at shore,
the wind-blackened horizon.
What remains of us.
PhilipCFJohnson
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Sun Mar 22, 2009 10:15 pm

What remains of us
After dining with the stars?
Nothing but the bill.
Specto Nusquam
BenJohnson
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Sun Mar 22, 2009 10:26 pm

"Nothing but the bill"
a pair of nervous robber
counting up the change.
PhilipCFJohnson
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Sun Mar 22, 2009 10:29 pm

Counting up the change.
The changes that were made since
I left this city.
Specto Nusquam
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Raisin
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Posts: 1028
Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:08 pm
Location: The land of daffodils and leeks

Mon Mar 23, 2009 7:24 am

I left this city,
by jumping the moat outside.
It didn't work out.
In the beginning there was nothing, and it exploded. (Terry Pratchett on the Big Bang Theory)
BenJohnson
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Mon Mar 23, 2009 8:20 am

:)

It didn't work out
the hippo sharing a bed
with his friend the mouse.
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Raisin
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Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:08 pm
Location: The land of daffodils and leeks

Mon Mar 23, 2009 5:04 pm

With his friend the mouse,
who ended up traumatised
after his ordeal.
In the beginning there was nothing, and it exploded. (Terry Pratchett on the Big Bang Theory)
PhilipCFJohnson
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Location: UK

Mon Mar 23, 2009 6:34 pm

After his ordeal
There came another trauma
Then a disaster
Specto Nusquam
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