The job

[Suzanne]

The job

He was happy to comply, from
her memo, it sounded like a simple
hardware installation. He arrived
on time with a spring in his step, his
equipment cleaned and ready.

Easily let into her space,
he was taken back when
she asked him to take a few
minutes, to discuss his
hardware durability and her
software compatibility.

Eager to just get in and out,
he tempered the edge in his
voice as they sat on her sofa
going over a variety of special
options he was able to offer her.

He began to relax, talking about
things he could control and she
opened a bottle of wine, pouring
them both a glass.

When they had finished talking, he
stood up, but before he was able
to preform the installation, she
surprisingly said, she first wanted
a hands-on inspection of his tools.

Stunned, he turned around, looked
down at her to read her face. Brown
eyes gazed up at him, she opened
her mouth...

and asked if he'd please pour her
a second glass of wine.



.

[nar]

Ha, very nice Suz.

Teasingly written, this works well with the subject (ahem) in hand.

I might be temped to add a few more IT references in here (ports, available slots, RAM etc), but perhaps that' just me being geeky.

Another one of those ones, that I started slowly, then I got quicker as things progressed (ahem again).

Only one thing confused me slightly. When I read 'memo', I thought this could only be based in an office, but 'sofa' sets it in her home.

I thinks S3 is perhaps a little long. A couple fewer lines might work better for me.

Overall, I like it.

- Neil.

[Cryptic Cadence]

Oh dear...lol,

Very well written of course, I'm interested to know the inspiration behind writing something like this, the "second glass of wine" bit I thought was a bit disgusting since I immediately thought of err...instant recycling.

Too many clever lines to point out, but nar...he got the memo, and headed over to her house as S1 says "He arrived on time"

Cheers

[Suzanne]

Neil,
thanks for the reply. I am glad you found it humorous. I do. I thought more IT references would make it too unrealistic. LOL.
No, actually, I thought it would detract from the subtleness of the humor.

CC,
thanks for the "of course" comment. It was nice. The recycle idea is just plain gross. Gross, not so nice.

About the sofa and the wine:
Imagine them in her office and they're there.
It's as easy as imagining it was you who got the call to do the job.

What prompts a write like this? Joy.

thanks for the comments, it makes writing fun.

warmly,
Suzanne

[backinblack]

Hi, I agree with nar, it is a bit of a tease in style, I liked it alot.
I understand your efforts to keep it subtle , i think it works well that way.
Nice write.

BinB.

[Lovely]

very clever Suzanne indeed. Another Jill Cooper performamce here.

Enjoy your style much now and how you toss it out with care.

Thanks

DJL

[Suzanne]

BinB and Lovely,
thank you for replying. I am glad you enjoyed it.

Ah, there's satisfaction in being a little entertaining.

Suzanne

[Jasper]

Hmmm... Hey, S

I've been called many things... and am all of them. Why argue, I say, as it only reinforces others opinions.
But here, of this piece, I find it more as just clever prose than ever poetry - I am sorry to say.

Argument : what is peotry?
Answer: metaphorical prose/syntax with the single purpose of the former's deliver, rather than later's conclusion/collusion only, with an elusive metaphor - behind - or leading it through-out!


Question: what is the metaphorical purpose of this piece, as I see none other than the obvious?

I bloody well enjoyed it though!

Kind regards
J

[arunansu]

Ah! Getting a bit naughty, eh?
Entertaining stuff for me .
Brilliant idea.

[arunansu]

Just came back to say these days I'm looking for a suitable job as this!!!

[Suzanne]

Jasper,
Oh, please don't be sorry to tell me your opinion. No apology needed.

Thank you for your reply. It was very clear and I am rather new to poetry so you reiteration of the definition of poetry is still refreshing to read. It helps me define who I am and what my voice is, I lean into prose with ease, no doubt.

To define my work as prose rather than poetry is okay, I am not bothered either way.
I am in agreement, but I don't think you are suggesting I move it to the prose section? No, that would be silly.

If a reader can define my writing style as enjoyable, interesting or clever.....
then the fine line between prose and poetry matter to me
as much as the wrinkles visible on a pink elephant wrapped in cellophane.

Thank you, Jasper.



Warmly,
Suzanne

[Suzanne]

Aru,
Happy me! Glad you enjoyed it.
I'll let you know if I hear this position is open!

suzanne

[PhilipCFJohnson]

Suzanne, you naughty thing you!

All this time, I've been mistakenly picking out sexual innuendos in your poetry, I knew something like this was on it's way.

Very nice, very fun, very much enjoyed.

All the best
Phil