Two Paintings of Venice. MONTHLY FEATURE

[Petronius]

I came at first to Turner's Venice
where light blends with light
and colour with colour
until reflection and reality
shimmer in confusion.
I thought it then a place for lovers,
a place to wander hand in hand
through canyons of constructed beauty.
I came at first to Turner's Venice
and my eyes were younger eyes
and my love a younger love.

Now I come to the Venice of Canaletto
with its hard, bright revelation
of beauty based on trade,
where clean,sharp lines are drawn
between romance and common sense,
where every vertical is vertical
because we know it ought to be.
I look again and know
of the pile upon pile of industry
sunk deep in time's lagoon.
I know of the galleys that traded in
The riches of the Cyclades and Byzantium,
for ornaments of piety and profit.
The dirty deals made with soldiers and pirates:
the stink beneath the brocade.


But still this Venice is a place for lovers,
who know of a love informed by intellect,
and abraded by a thousand compromises,
have learned to live only the defined day
with grateful,quiet happiness.

[Ros]

Welcome to PG, petronius. Nice first poem - enjoyed this greatly. Using the two types of art to contrast Venice and love is an original idea and you write about it well. My only nit would be

But still this Venice is a place for lovers,
for lovers of a wiser kind,
who know of a love informed by intellect'

seems a bit heavy on the 'love'. Perhaps substitute one of them?

Don't forget to have a quick look through the rules and guidelines, and do a couple of crits for each poem you post. I think you'll find it friendly here.

Ros

[Elphin]

welcome to PG

A most respectable first offering. The contrast is made very real and comes alive with the specific references to Turner, Canaletto and so on.

I wonder maybe if you could have ended here

But still this Venice is a place for lovers,
for lovers of a wiser kind

The explanation that follows doesnt leave much room for the reader to form their own conclusions, one of which is likely to be the one you have explained. You have drawn the contrast and with the above two lines you guide the reader to what you want them to consider. Leave them there - to do more is preachy.

Look forward to more and as Ros says join in with the crits - they help develop your writing too.

elph

[R Cox]

Hi there. I've not much to say in the way of constructive crit, other than I really enjoyed this one. Enjoyed particularly the structure after a few reads through - it may just be me, but the sharp jubilance of youth, then a jaded post youth understanding, followed by a mature summation?

On a side note, are there a few spacing issues after punctuation? I noticed a rogue apostrophe in S3, but I could be wrong.

Ta for the read.

[Petronius]

I apologise for the typing. I never learned to type and have never gone beyond the duo-digital school. Re the comments: Thankyou for the appreciative ones. I shall consider them seriously. However I must explain some thing about my work. I am old, very old, old enough to have served in the R.A.F in the second world war. Mercifully my brain still function and my body. I must have written hundreds of poems but I have no more than 25 left. I am my own worst critic. Having spent most of my life teaching the young the mysteries of Latin and LIT.Crit. to university level. The poems have been written and re-written ad nauseam. I have had one or two published in short-lived arty magazines and that is all. I am finding it very stimulating and rewarding to communicate with friendly people who know about poetry. I still write new ones.

[Ros]

Sounds like you may have lots of advice to offer us all then! I'm glad you still feel inspired to write, and look forward to reading more of your work.

Ros

[Elphin]

Well - you are most welcome here and I am sure many of us would love to hear your impessions of our work.

I would also like to read yours and in particular some of your older works to see how style has changed.

elph

[Oskar]

The content of your poem is very appealing, as is the outline you have given of your self. I hope you will continue to enjoy it here. I am looking foward to learning from you.

Why Petronius?

[Helen Bywater]

I know Venice, I know the paintings, and I love this. My immediate thought was "What is this lovely poem doing in the beginners' section?" and I see that you're not a beginner at all.

I also think there's too much repetition of "love" in the last stanza, but it doesn't come across as preachy to me.

There are some great images here. I like "sunk deep in time's lagoon" and "the stink beneath the brocade" which brings to mind the filthy water of Venice.

[Petronius]

Thank you for all the kind things you have said about my poetry. I shall also give due regard to the suggestions. I wish I could feel confident about giving help and advice but I am not at all sure that age and experience bring anything at all. I wrote many poems during the war ( as many others did) but for me they amounted to little more than emotional discharges.
I destroyed them some years later. Please don't look for any wisdom. I don,t think I have any

RE Petronius. Many years ago when I needed a pen name my wife suggested Petronius . Petronius arbiter elegentiae -the abiter of good taste who slept all day and lived at night. It was a joke because my wife has complained often that even though I buy good clothes, they look as if I had bought them at a charity shop. In a word "scruffy".

[Lovely]

Sorry do you ever feel those first words forever please? I don't think so.


Your emotions do not strain nor can I feel the pain (in them).

but " Venice is a place for lovers". Nice.



Don't work for me somehow, but nice in a way.

Lxx

[Nicola]

This has been nominated by the mods as the featured poem for June so congratulations!

[Mic]

Congratulations Petronius!

Mic

[David]

Yes, well done.

Cheers

David

[arunansu]

Congratulations Petronius.

[Petronius]

Thank you for choosing my poem and thank you for the congratulations. It is good to have some recognition from other poets. I think it was Eliot who said that the worst thing for a poet was to be praised for the wrong reason.

[Ros]

Well, I reckon we've chosen this for all the right reasons. Good stuff.

ros