Witherlust

This is a serious poetry forum not a "love-in". Post here for more detailed, constructive criticism.
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Bombadil
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Mon Sep 19, 2005 8:11 pm

Futility comes with the grey
hairs—stiffens the joints at dawn
and weakens them before day’s end.

The traveler came to me
like always today—
he and his raven-haired
companion—yet again.

I eschewed them,
shooed them like two
insects seeking meals.

One, at least, would get me along,
but for the dawn.

So, I turned my back on them,
and I wept—
I couldn’t follow, not today.

Who knows, now, their visits
grow less and less and the urge
to follow wanes as the years
bend my spine and twist my spirit.

One day,
I suppose they’ll take heed
and leave me for a younger
master.
One who will challenge their
gifts, just as I had when threshholds
existed only for the crossing.

But today, I turn my back in them and cry.
Bombadil
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Thu Sep 22, 2005 6:02 pm

bump
pseud
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Sat Sep 24, 2005 4:00 pm

I thought I'd already left a comment, turns out I haven't, no big deal I guess...t'would be a pity to see this have to be bumped a second time by the author. It brought tears to my eyes. I picture a "has-been;" a teacher or something - most likely in a nursing home. The details aren't really important - the feeling is captrued, methinks.

I see nothing to nitpick that would accomplish anything, and therefore no reason to make this a very long-winded critique, but thanks for the read.

-Caleb
Bombadil
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Tue Oct 11, 2005 5:04 pm

forgot to say thanks on this one.

there.
Spike
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Tue Oct 11, 2005 5:05 pm

what is the whole "bump thing about"?
Bombadil
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Tue Oct 11, 2005 5:09 pm

Its when you want a comment on a poem, and it hasn't got one, so you "bump" it to the top of the list. A shameless plug, but hey.

Cheers,

K.
Spike
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Tue Oct 11, 2005 5:10 pm

i must try that sometimes, anyway good poem, preffered the other one though
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william
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Tue Oct 11, 2005 8:43 pm

--which other one?

-will
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Wed Oct 12, 2005 7:23 pm

beats me.
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