Mushroom Night

[jsabian]

Hi - thanks for taking a look at this post, would appretiate thoughts on this poem. It is constructed from the common names of various mushrooms (ok, bit early in the season I know), it's not as technically advanced as a lot of poems I see posted on here but and is aimed I guess at a younger audience. Anyway, let me know what you think - thanks.


Mushroom Night

Let me tell you a tale on this late autumn night
Of strange goings on in the absence of light
In the dark and the damp and the quietest of places
Peculiar plants are showing their faces

There’s a horrible smell over there in the bracken
And once fresh pale wood is beginning to blacken
Boletus are growing off roots of young birches
And Beefsteaks are competing for high wooded perches
The Black Helvella, Blue Legs and Blushers
Are lost in a swathe of Hare’s Ears and Truffles
There’s Boot Laces and Blewits scattered about
But hidden in places they’re never found out

Deep in the wood at this time of night
Odd objects are pushing with all of their might
Some Earth Balls have popped up under that tree
Like light bulbs floating, lost out at sea
A Jelly Tongue hangs out of that split
In the moss covered log down in the pit
And a Club Foot under a Slippery Jack
Is rarely seen growing through such a crack

Did that thing move on top of that stump?
And what do you reckon’s under this lump?
A Chick Of The Woods can be seen over there
On the branch that’s covered in Fungal Horsehair
Some Dead Man’s Fingers lit up by the night
Scattered on logs gives one a fright
And since when did Jew’s Ears grow on such trees
With King Alfred’s Cakes and Jelly Babies?

Up on the hill and down in the valley
All sorts of growths are starting to dally
There’s Wax Caps and Russulas down in the glade
Kept nice and moist in the day by the shade
Penny Buns, Poison Pies and Plums And Custard
Have gathered where Ink Caps and others have mustered
And the Sulphur Tufts, Fairy Bonnets and Witch’s Butter
Are there it is said to get rid of the clutter

If you venture out to places unknown
You’ll find secret spots where spores have been sown
Where Weeping Widow and Wood Woolly Foot
Are growing in corners darker than soot
And if you rummage about over there in that stuff
You’ll probably find some white candle snuff
And there’s a Death Cap, Deceiver and Devil’s Bolete
But which one do you think is safe to eat?

[arunansu]

I'm not that experienced to give you the right feedback on the technical aspects of this poem, but I enjoyed this one a lot. Only, I wonder, if you could have mentioned something about the accompanying insect world.

Nicely written.

[ray miller]

Some great names, aren't there? It goes along at a nice enough gallop, the end rhymes are fairly simple, maybe would have been better to try and incorporate more of the names into the rhymes.
At places I think the metre could have been improved, but maybe it depends how it's read.For instance, I'd have "quietest places" "Beefsteaks competing". Conversely, "adrift on the sea" rather than "lost out at sea"? As I say, it's pleasant to read and its appeal wouldn't be confined to children, I don't think.

[jsabian]

thank you very much for the feedback both, useful insights I shall look into and see where I can tweak the peom.

[mesmie]

hello

Well what interesting names and so many of the little blighters around too!

I agree it fair bowled along a just a little tweaking is all...

nice work

[Lovely]

Magic rooms.........eh?

It's a wonderous look into these names and very well educated in regards to its research.

It behoves a poet to research his work before he writes and this all spells nicely.

Rich in content but watch your format and length----- just a gentle reminder.

A brilliant read this

much

lxxx