Thank You.

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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Petronius
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Sat Aug 08, 2009 11:39 am

Thank you for this my springtime,
the return of all my swallows,
my frozen stream's breaking.

Thank you for this new pain,
waking again my dead life,
my winter world's ending.

Thank you for being as you are,
should ever winter return,
a spring day for remembering.
Last edited by Petronius on Tue Aug 11, 2009 10:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
Lovely
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Sun Aug 09, 2009 1:07 pm

What lovely words, what lovely thoughts.

What a lovely poem She Is.

lxxxx
David
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Wed Aug 12, 2009 8:33 pm

Simple, lyrical, nice. No new ground, obviously, but some very pleasing old ground.

Should you really be posting in Beginners? I don't think it would be a big step up to Experienced for you.
paisley
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Wed Aug 12, 2009 9:05 pm

thank you for reminding us of spring. this is a beautiful feeling. paisley
"A bit of stubble always remains to fuel the fire." Greta Garbo
Arian
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Thu Aug 13, 2009 2:23 pm

I can't sensibly add to the comments already made - only agree with them.
Charming words.
Mic
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Sun Aug 16, 2009 8:45 am

Hi Petronious.

Gratitude for a re-awakening so very gracefully expressed, without being gushy - much dignity and music in this.
The title worked - piqued my interest immediately: I was curious to know what the thanks were going to be given for.

The structure supports your content. There is a power in the threes, three 'thank yous', three three-line stanzas. The 'ing' endings of the final words of the final line of each stanza both helps knit the poem together and creates a lovely music. The poem sings.

Mic, thanking you, three times at the very least.
"Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you" - Rumi
Susan-Morris3
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Mon Aug 17, 2009 8:41 pm

liked your thank you poem, gave me a lovely spring feeling x
Petronius
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Fri Sep 25, 2009 1:39 pm

Thank you for your comments on my poem. I like writing lyric poetry altough it is sadly out of fashion.
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Fri Sep 25, 2009 6:57 pm

I envy your natrual talent. Nuff said. Thanks.
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twoleftfeet
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Sat Sep 26, 2009 5:42 pm

I really like this, especially the idea that it all belongs to you.

My one quibblette is
"wakening again my dead life"
IMHO this would be better as
"reawakening my dead life"

GeoffI
Instead of just sitting on the fence - why not stand in the middle of the road?
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