I tried so hard to please the masses
To be accepted,
That inner yearning that tempts us all
To be confided within social boundaries
Standing before these earthly gates for eternal judgment
Such a fool I am, happy in the bliss of conformity (?)
Suppressed, depressed, none the less reduced to a singular form
Confused and confusing to others because I could not relate
For the ways and means of humans confounds even intellectuality itself
Like flies with their wings snipped off, be a pest no more
Just lie there wiggling, writhing on the shiny unforgiving floor
The Uniform & The Mirror
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camus
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Ahhhhhhhhhhh anger and frustration brings out the slightly better in you.
Seriously though I'd ditch the religious connotations that pervade your poems. Another very difficult subject to harness.
Perhaps try looking to the everyday for your metaphors.
Seriously though I'd ditch the religious connotations that pervade your poems. Another very difficult subject to harness.
Perhaps try looking to the everyday for your metaphors.
http://www.closetpoet.co.uk
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Bombadil
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This is better. Well done.
He's not over-sensitive and he quickly improves. I say we let him stay on, what say you camus?
True. Being angry at God is rather common and so, rather done. Perhaps not so much....
Cheers,
Bombadil
He's not over-sensitive and he quickly improves. I say we let him stay on, what say you camus?
True. Being angry at God is rather common and so, rather done. Perhaps not so much....
Cheers,
Bombadil
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camus
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HE!
I figured a female of the species!
I must start using the available seekings.
Skript,
Pretensions aside we are all here to learn, people come and go. A community builds and perhaps it may seem hard to penetrate, keep on keepin on, you are more than welcome.
Shit how bad is it when a Dylan line becomes a cliche.
Stop using it then fuckwit.......................oh yeh.
I figured a female of the species!
I must start using the available seekings.
Skript,
Pretensions aside we are all here to learn, people come and go. A community builds and perhaps it may seem hard to penetrate, keep on keepin on, you are more than welcome.
Shit how bad is it when a Dylan line becomes a cliche.
Stop using it then fuckwit.......................oh yeh.
http://www.closetpoet.co.uk
I'm a dude. who loves his daughter.
are we so far gone as a society that if a guy shows any form of affectionate behaviour what so ever he is forced to confirm his gender?
don't tell me, you have a whole shitload of gay & sensitive guy jokes you have just been bursting to express right?
p.s
i like that 'calm down Sally' line. I walked right into that one didn't I?
say that to my face and i'll kick your fucking nose in!!!!!
ha
are we so far gone as a society that if a guy shows any form of affectionate behaviour what so ever he is forced to confirm his gender?
don't tell me, you have a whole shitload of gay & sensitive guy jokes you have just been bursting to express right?
p.s
i like that 'calm down Sally' line. I walked right into that one didn't I?
say that to my face and i'll kick your fucking nose in!!!!!
ha
I enjoyed your poem, although I felt that maybe your phrase "to be accepted" and perhaps even the word "depressed" tapped into to overworked ideas and common place description. I wonder if there are other ways you could express this?
I too was struck by your finishing couplet.
Love Rachel
I too was struck by your finishing couplet.
Love Rachel
thank you.
I believe you are right about those 2 words. But i am glad u got the message still.
The title: I was trying for the visual of wearing a uniform that you do not feel comfortable in while standing infront of a mirror in disgust.
the ending summarized the plot:
Being different or unique is looked down upon and suppressed.
Like flies with their wings snipped off, be a pest no more
The end result is me, defeated
Just lie there wiggling, writhing
and ignored by the cold scrutiny of society's materialistic appraisal
on the shiny unforgiving floor
I believe you are right about those 2 words. But i am glad u got the message still.
The title: I was trying for the visual of wearing a uniform that you do not feel comfortable in while standing infront of a mirror in disgust.
the ending summarized the plot:
Being different or unique is looked down upon and suppressed.
Like flies with their wings snipped off, be a pest no more
The end result is me, defeated
Just lie there wiggling, writhing
and ignored by the cold scrutiny of society's materialistic appraisal
on the shiny unforgiving floor