Quell Your Ideas
Thank you for the way you corroded my skin,
The way your incinerated my flesh as i went inside,
You left me for dead after you had your way,
But daggers down tonight because you wont win,
My viens ache from your essence,
Yet my tounge still savours your flesh,
You still remain oblivious to what we had,
But i will kill you yet,
I dream of tearing apart your skin,
But i am constantly reminded of how you let me in,
Parting your lips around myself,
Searing with guilt as your words tear me apart,
I want to rip apart your wings,
For all the hate you poured inside me,
But i had to take the risk of falling in love,
And now when i look back, i can see the damage it does,
I remember it like yesterday kissing you again, and again,
The way you kissed me back, and lay underneath me,
I dont want to let this eat me up inside,
Slowly coursing through my heart to find,
Something beautiful that might just lie under my lungs,
Is my heart still beating as i lie down bleeding,
Death by papercuts and flower stems,
When you whispered in my ear, i dont want this night to end,
I wish it didnt we wouldnt be here,
You wouldnt have had the need to act, now i wish,
that i had used you, destroyed you when i had the chance,
Now taste my guilt, let this end, on one last term,
Let me die in this last dance,
Let me die in your arms,
Because when you kiss me, i will poisin my tounge.
Quell Your Ideas
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moshing dog
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Fri Oct 28, 2005 10:13 am
alright 
i picked this poem to comment on as it was the one that most rang a bell with me.
i like the angry and quite violent tones in this poem. being torn between love/vengeance at the same time as being tormented by happier memories gives the poem quite a fast pace to it. i can picture you slamming the keyboard whilst writing this one.
nice one
i picked this poem to comment on as it was the one that most rang a bell with me.
i like the angry and quite violent tones in this poem. being torn between love/vengeance at the same time as being tormented by happier memories gives the poem quite a fast pace to it. i can picture you slamming the keyboard whilst writing this one.
nice one
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Bombadil
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 2672
- Joined: Mon Dec 06, 2004 6:38 pm
- Location: The hills are my home, the mountains where I roam.
- Contact:
If you were close to breaking the keyboard, then perhaps I can forgive all the needless repetition. You use "skin," "flesh" and "death" way too many times in close proximity. Still, angry poems, while evocative and cleansing tend to lack focus. This one certainly did. I think you could cut it in half and make it far more effective.
Cheers,
B.
Cheers,
B.
A movie, The Pink Panther.
I respect the passion with which you write Spike; might consider running your poems through a spell checker by copying and pasting in a Word/WordPerfect document and clicking on 'Tools.'
What do you Brits use? Is Microsoft that pervasive?
I respect the passion with which you write Spike; might consider running your poems through a spell checker by copying and pasting in a Word/WordPerfect document and clicking on 'Tools.'
What do you Brits use? Is Microsoft that pervasive?
