The old coastguard station at Torr Head

[dillingworth]

The old coastguard station at Torr Head

High on the hill with his feet to the sea
they buried Bharraigh with his treasure.

The walls of his grave-house crumble
and bear witness in their weakness
to anxious vigils over the fickle tide.

The blind windows keen with the wind,
the fire has died in the grate
and the threshold teaches the rain to forget.

And yet, worn down by the breath of the sea,
Bharraigh’s house lays bare its older roots:

the sea-tang tastes of ancient tears,
the rock reveals itself in layers to the sky
and bodies whisper mouldering to the earth.

I too have come here to forget:
the recent past is banished by the breeze
and with the house I’m ruined to remember.

[ray miller]

Hello, I like this, I like especially "bear witness in their weakness to anxious vigils over the fickle tide" "the rock reveals itself in layers to the sky". I don't understand "and with the house I'm ruined to remember" like would be better than with, but the sense still escapes me. Good, though.

[Tamara Beryl Latham]

dillingworth, I don't think there is much to critique on this poem. I shared what you experienced with all the imagery.

I too have come here to forget:
the recent past is banished by the breeze
and with the house I’m ruined to remember.

***How about "within this house, I'm ruined to remember."

Overall, a very good poem, in my opinion.

Best,

Tamara

[Sharra]

I liked the feel of this, it’s very evocative. I particularly liked ‘And yet, worn down by the breath of the sea, / Bharraigh’s house lays bare its older roots:’
I do think though that in places some of the description could be pared back, for example in S2, I think ‘bear witness in their weakness / to anxious vigils over the fickle tide’ is too much. Grammatically I have a slight problem with that stanza too – the walls are bearing witness to the vigil but who is keeping vigil? Bharraigh?
I would maybe condense that stanza to
The walls of his grave-house crumble
and bear witness to his(?) vigil over the fickle tide.

Also in S3, I’m not sure you need ‘blind’ we already know the house is crumbling.

S5 – I’m afraid I thought ‘ancient tears’ felt clichéd, although I really liked ‘bodies whisper mouldering to the earth’. I liked the last stanza too, although I'm not 100% sure of 'ruined' - it felt a little contrived to me.
Sharra
xx

[Mic]

Atmospheric. I liked it. I liked how it looked on the page, the rolling rhythm, it's bleakness infused with a sense of hope in the forgetting. I especially like the opening line - the sound of it and the sense of it. You create a great sense of place. The title is good, helps locate the reader. Yes, the grammar of it might not bear too close inspection, but it didn't matter really for me.