It Dawns Upon Us

[kimibob]

It dawns upon us


Stubbled furrows glisten sharp and brittle
as deep red round pours out its ichor
upon the thirsty earth.

It creeps and writhes in tortured moves,
stealthy as an evening fox and claws
the ground with warmth.

Dragged up by tilting force an axel twist
performs the necessary act, the pool
seeps over up and through the

shivering brown paper-thin hands that
gratefully drop, to leave naked fingers swathed,
and enkindled by its rejuvenating blood.

[arunansu]

Great picture of the dawn, Kimibob. Loved the word "ichor". Wonderful imagery throughout.
Enjoyed. No nits.

[Suzanne]

Almost violent in feel.
I found this very interesting and enjoyed the images very much.
I found that I wanted more, not that more was needed but more was wanted.

I look forward to reading more of you.
Suzanne

[kimibob]

HI Arun,
thanks for the great comments, means a lot coming from you, me being a fan of yours.
Kimi

[kimibob]

HI Suzanne,
thank you for your comments, I did indeed intend to juxtapose the beauty of dawn with images of unpleasantness to create a more vivid picture and to suggest a metaphor for the act of writing/inspiration and how it feels sometimes. Wasn't sure if I'd gone too far.
Thanks again,
Kimi

[Lake]

Hi Kimi,

Thrilling feel through stark images and language. Powerful.

Best,

Lake

[kimibob]

Hi lake,
thanks for your comments. Always good to hear what people think.
Kimi

[nar]

Hey, Kimi.

Lovely use of words, especially so in S1.

Dawn on a battlefield? Perhaps not, but this reminded me of visiting Culloden.

I also see a ploughed field on the coast.

"leave naked fingers swathed,
and enkindled by its rejuvenating blood"

Naked and swathed? Perhaps that is possible!

Loved it.

Thanks,

- Neil.

[kimibob]

HI Neil,
thanks for your comments. I've never been to Culloden, but I think lots of fields look a bit like this, at least they do where I live. I believe that you can swathe naked things, at least I hope so!

Many thanks,
Kimibob

[tool]

you have a nobility that shines

real depth, shinning, you have a gift,

tool

[kimibob]

Hi Tool,
thank you for your comments, glad you got something from the piece. I will endeavour to produce work that continues to get better. I hope!
thanks again,
Kimi

[Lovely]

I would take it for her... In such weight of poetry I'd leave her alone

[Stephen J. Elliott]

the imagery here is brilliant, and the enjambment helps it along perfectly. 'claws the ground with warmth' paints a particularly effective picture for me. Thanks!

[kimibob]

Hi Stephen,
thank you for your comments, glad you liked the piece.
Kimi