Arid affection,
Brittle consumation, dry -
Rasping delusion.
Thrill Is Gone (Haiku)
Honestly, I'm a bit confused on this, though liking it immensely at the same time. Are you sure its "arrid"? I searched in the Net and came across Arrid deodorants! Your last two lines make it more of a Senryu like experience. So far as I know, Haiku is more "objective". Smiles.
Enjoyed.
Enjoyed.
How very embarrassing! First poem posted here and first spelling mistake too. I have duly corrected it now. Thanks arunansu for pointing it out, hope it makes more sense now.
I suppose this really is more Senryu than Haiku. Oh dear, I'm not off to a very good start here at Poet's Graves am I!
I suppose this really is more Senryu than Haiku. Oh dear, I'm not off to a very good start here at Poet's Graves am I!
Don't fret, firefly. First impressions are infinitely changeable.
I don't know much about haiku, but it strikes me that shorter words might be better. Don't waste those syllables, you've only got so many.
Cheers
David
I don't know much about haiku, but it strikes me that shorter words might be better. Don't waste those syllables, you've only got so many.
Cheers
David
-
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 2718
- Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 8:41 am
- antispam: no
- Location: Hertfordshire, UK
I’m afraid I’m no aficionado of haiku, either, though this piece tells a story of disillusionment concisely and neatly.
I presume you mean consummation, by the way?
Anyhow, thanks for posting.
cheers
peter
I presume you mean consummation, by the way?
Anyhow, thanks for posting.
cheers
peter
Last edited by Arian on Sat Jan 09, 2010 4:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-
- Perspicacious Poster
- Posts: 4902
- Joined: Sun Oct 19, 2008 4:46 pm
- antispam: no
- Location: Land of the Midnight Sun
This is quite sad and I found it interesting when read after your high water poem. One has so much water and the other is so very dry.
Interesting things going on this week in your mind. lol. I liked the word rasping.
Suzanne
Interesting things going on this week in your mind. lol. I liked the word rasping.
Suzanne