Girl, 16

[dedalus]

Dum dum
Dum de dumpety dum.
There you go,
The best part of the poem.
Daddy
You don’t need to do that,
Not when I bring my friends over.
I know you have two pricks
Port and starboard
And my brother apparently came from one
And me, the female, from the other,
But do you really need to display them
There on the couch
In front of the Nine O’Clock News?
So gross.

Mama left so fast
She forgot to take us with her.
The leaves they wither
On the trees
And so do filial sympathies.

My brother is a jerk.

I learned to like baseball,
It’s the only thing we can talk about:
McGwire took steroids,
Woo, woo, woo!
Bottom of the ninth,
One woman on base.

In case
You think I hate you: I do.
That’s settled.
I put rat poison in your beer
But you don’t seem to notice.
Bottom of the ninth.

At school
They sent me off to counsellors
One of them tried to rape me
So I got arrested
For assault. Permanent scars, I hope.

The fault
Lies not in the family
But solely and entirely with me.
Everyone, everywhere
Will always always agree:
Young Girls are Trouble.

I love “Burn Notice”;
Those simple homemade bombs.

[rushme]

i detect some strains of sylvia plath - emotional mental disturbance & imbalance

interesting!

[Arian]

i detect some strains of sylvia plath

I'm afraid I can't see that, myself, beyond the obvious Daddy references. But it certainly succeedsin capturing an angry tone.

peter

[ray miller]

I think you've got two decent verses, the 2nd, especially, and the one about school counsellors.Not so keen on the rest, first verse in particular has me scratching my head as does "Burn Notice".

[Raine]

I really like this. Very emotive! It contains some references that I didn't understand but I think that in this case that vagueness added to the effect. I liked the repitition and the last lines sum up perfectly. Technically there's room for some improvemnent but isn't there always.