Voices

[Bombadil]

Eloquence fails me, (What’s that? Oooh. Sexy big word. Use more.)
.....let’s be honest it never did much for you
anyhow. Fuck you, indolence, cabron flojo. (Was I always dumb, or just ...................................now?)
…..Eat shit and die. (Of course not. Dip ink, scrawl muse. Be brilliant bitch. Brilliant.)

I wonder how long you’ll be able to pull this off. (Squatter. Loafer.)
………….Are you implying I give people something to see through? (How dare he. …………………………………………………………………………….Hit him.)
No little man. (Little?) Only that I know where you’re hiding. Only only only…

Do you think then, she’s my undoing? (We have a girl now?)
…….You’ll do that on your on. If you haven’t already. (No. Know now I can can-can. ……………………………………………………………….Certainly can.)
How do you know? I don’t love you. I don’t I can’t I won’t. (Can we go to bed, I’m horny...)
………….And just how will you stop? Kill me? Yourself? You’re
not important enough for suicide. Never will be. (Maybe someday.)

Fuck you, duality, extra personality, pain and solemnity. Out out out of
my head, I want my sanity instead…
………What makes you think I want to leave? What makes you think I can?
You could. Couldn’t you?
………You tell me. After all, you asked me to stay. (Where else would we go? Your head’s our home.)

[Leslie]

Hell Keith! You’ve stumped me here. I’ve been chickening out, waiting for some-one else to start the comments. This is confusion; but that’s what it’s about. Like multiple personality disorder plus Torret’s syndrome. I think it vividly portrays the conflict of voices in the head, the warring personalities, though it is still difficult to identify which is which (if we’re meant to) and who is suggesting what. Only when I got to the last ‘stanza’ did the underlying idea begin to pull into shape. Is it poetry? Depends on how loose one is prepared to allow the boundaries to expand. Have to say it’s a bit beyond my limits. Nevertheless, it’s forceful and has a shape. Leslie.

[Minstrel]

I agree with all that Leslie, and can't help liking it, like a bad dream. Like having gas at the dentist.

[lemur]

I thought it might translate well to a radio play format, with the first voice, second voice, etc.

[pseud]

ooh that is a good thought lemur.

Another experimental one. Refreshing. Brother Arco I believe your experimental push is paying off, Keith even used little white dashes. This reader couldn't tell which persona was talking in the parentheses, and I think that was intentional. It was barely followable, but appropriately so - who could really trace inner thoughts?

Not a run-of-the-mill me, myself, and I poem. At least not to me.

- Caleb

[Ewan_McTeagle]

I like it a lot. Reminds me of Cummings at places.

Good read.

Thanks

[Bombadil]

Thanks all.

Its a glimpse of my own homegrown madness...

[Thomas]

Is very good cleverly confusing and addictive nice piece.
especially liked these lines.

………….And just how will you stop? Kill me? Yourself? You’re
not important enough for suicide. Never will be. (Maybe someday

Do you hear voices though Bombadil... (only kidding)

Thomas.

[Bombadil]

Of course I hear voices, dear boy. I'm not deaf.

[Thomas]

Of course I hear voices, dear boy. I'm not deaf.

Why of course i meant in yout head

[Ray Trivedi]

This is innovative and challenging. i would like to read more like this one (from you or anybody else).

I agree with lemur. Also, maybe you could separate the voices on this page for an inane person like me.