Tonight the valley road
is awash with grainy puddles
and mating toads.
Their conjoined bodies
hardly make a bump
as I drive (steely eyed)
over them, mid-hump.
In the morning
their flattened bodies
squashed in horny pairs,
are breakfast for the magpies,
who really couldn't care
that this sad feast
signals Spring's
love blighted;
roadkilled,
unrequited.
Marc
Spring, thwarted. (was 'Murder at the orgy')
Last edited by Marc on Tue Mar 30, 2010 8:26 am, edited 3 times in total.
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brianedwards
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A fun one Marc.
Probably stronger if you removed the I completely.
B.
~
Probably stronger if you removed the I completely.
B.
~
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ray miller
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Is unrequited quite the correct word, though?And unconsummated doesn't rhyme. I think you should call it Two For Joy?
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
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brianedwards
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ray miller wrote:Is unrequited quite the correct word, though?
Ha! Yeah!
Hi Brian and Ray and thanks for your thoughts.
The unrequited angle doesn't really refer to the toads but to a more metaphysical image of Spring. It's Spring's grand love that is being unfulfilled: it's ambition being the recreation of life through a burgeoning of passion/sex etc which I'm squishing with my car.
The toads are indeed requiting each other, you can tell by the way their eyes are bugging out...but I am thwarting Spring's desire. Or some tosh like that!
Anyway that's my excuse,
cheers all,
Marc
The unrequited angle doesn't really refer to the toads but to a more metaphysical image of Spring. It's Spring's grand love that is being unfulfilled: it's ambition being the recreation of life through a burgeoning of passion/sex etc which I'm squishing with my car.
The toads are indeed requiting each other, you can tell by the way their eyes are bugging out...but I am thwarting Spring's desire. Or some tosh like that!
Anyway that's my excuse,
cheers all,
Marc
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brianedwards
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In that case Marc, the problem could be "roadkilled". Perhaps something needed there to aid the focal transition from toads to season?Marc wrote:Hi Brian and Ray and thanks for your thoughts.
The unrequited angle doesn't really refer to the toads but to a more metaphysical image of Spring. It's Spring's grand love that is being unfulfilled: it's ambition being the recreation of life through a burgeoning of passion/sex etc which I'm squishing with my car.
The toads are indeed requiting each other, you can tell by the way their eyes are bugging out...but I am thwarting Spring's desire. Or some tosh like that!
Anyway that's my excuse,
cheers all,
Marc
B.
In flagrante is two words, isn't it?
Interesting, that idea about Spring's grand passion being unrequited. I don't think it is at all. It might be thwarted (a word you've used yourself, I see) sometimes, here and there - as here - but in general, no.
Good stuff, though. The local, extrapolated to the universal. I like it.
Cheers
David
Interesting, that idea about Spring's grand passion being unrequited. I don't think it is at all. It might be thwarted (a word you've used yourself, I see) sometimes, here and there - as here - but in general, no.
Good stuff, though. The local, extrapolated to the universal. I like it.
Cheers
David
New title making clearer the Spring subject and playing on the warty nature of my little victims.
True, the whole of Spring's grand passion isn't thwarted just a little microcosm...
Yes, you're right about 'in flagrante' duly amended thanks.
Ah, the local extrapolated to the universal. I worry that I do that too often and it becomes a cliche in itself.... (Brian will agree I know!)
Cheers,
Marc
True, the whole of Spring's grand passion isn't thwarted just a little microcosm...
Yes, you're right about 'in flagrante' duly amended thanks.
Ah, the local extrapolated to the universal. I worry that I do that too often and it becomes a cliche in itself.... (Brian will agree I know!)
Cheers,
Marc
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brianedwards
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Miss the humour of the previous title Marc. I still think considering an alternative to roadkilled (which basically states what you've effectively described already) might throw up something interesting. No suggestions of course . . .
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Bombadil
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I was expecting a bunch of humans, so this was delightfully out of the ordinary.
Nothing to crit, really. I enjoyed it.
Cheers,
Tom
Nothing to crit, really. I enjoyed it.
Cheers,
Tom
I only ever had but one prayer to God, that was: "O, Lord, make my enemies ridiculous." And he granted it.--Voltaire
But surely Spring isn't thwarted; certainly not by a few dead effing toads?
Respectfully suggest
a) get rid of (steely eyed). You could be boss-eyed or pie-eyed for all the difference it makes.
b) delete stanza 2. It contributes nothing.
c) recast the last stanza to something like
who really do not care
that their sad feast is honoring
another spring.
This gives you modern graphic acount of the ancient insight "If the seed does not die, the shoot will not grow"
Respectfully suggest
a) get rid of (steely eyed). You could be boss-eyed or pie-eyed for all the difference it makes.
b) delete stanza 2. It contributes nothing.
c) recast the last stanza to something like
who really do not care
that their sad feast is honoring
another spring.
This gives you modern graphic acount of the ancient insight "If the seed does not die, the shoot will not grow"
"There are nine and sixty ways
Of constructing tribal lays
And Every Single One Of Them Is Right"
Rudyard Kipling
Of constructing tribal lays
And Every Single One Of Them Is Right"
Rudyard Kipling
Funny, we were talking about this yesterday! In Austria they have frog crossings - little roads under the motorways that direct the frogs (in this case) from one field to the other. These creatures and many others are driven by their reproductive cells to seek out the same old breeding grounds regardless of any obstical men put in the way! Sad eh... so the poor things, unable to adapt, will one day become extinct ? Give way if you see them...
This stanza didn't quiet work for me as it seems the weaker stanza, and really you need a stronger end than the last 3 lines -.
who really couldn't care
that this sad feast
signals Spring's
love blighted;
roadkilled,
unrequited.
This stanza didn't quiet work for me as it seems the weaker stanza, and really you need a stronger end than the last 3 lines -.
who really couldn't care
that this sad feast
signals Spring's
love blighted;
roadkilled,
unrequited.
Thanks Crusty and Clara,
Hmm, I agree re the second stanza Crusty but don't agree re the third. I also feel that you're missing the point 'steely eyed'. True I may well be boss eyed but the point of steely eyed is to show I'm having to follow a course of action I'd rather avoid...
And whilst Spring as a whole is not thwarted this little piece of Spring's intention is.
Clara rest assured I do try and avoid them....
Cheers
Marc
Hmm, I agree re the second stanza Crusty but don't agree re the third. I also feel that you're missing the point 'steely eyed'. True I may well be boss eyed but the point of steely eyed is to show I'm having to follow a course of action I'd rather avoid...
And whilst Spring as a whole is not thwarted this little piece of Spring's intention is.
Clara rest assured I do try and avoid them....
Cheers
Marc