Golden light of infinite exposure...these are dreams, droplets and fragrances that feel so real;
Lulled by falsity... jittered nerves settled in a quiet niche by a wet fissure and the swans drift on by
As men puff on hookahs.. white palpitating smoke escapes over their safe sanctuary...and the wildfowl swim.
Those raptures of the wild, crystallized in the flapping wing of a butterfly;
Fluctuations dispersing...
Yet all I see is a singular moment which vanishes as quickly as it came;
These are the challenges one must attempt,
To behold the unfathomable
To behold the untouchable
To live truely in the moment
Is to awaken...
The Wild
Welcome to Post-a-Poem (Beginners)
This is intended to be a friendly (but serious) forum where inexperienced poets can post their poetry and get feedback from other members.
What You Should Do
1. Review at least 2 other poems before submitting your own. You don't have to be a university poetry professor to do this. Simply read the poem in question a couple of times - inwardly digest it - and then try and identify what you like or dislike about it, preferably giving examples. Here are some tips on how to critique poems:
http://poetsgraves.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3537
2. Try to make your criticism constructive. The aim of the forum is to help people to improve the quality of their work. See http://poetsgraves.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1563
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9. If, following feedback, you wish to add a redrafted version of your poem, please attach it (in full) to the same thread, marking it clearly "Redraft", rather than editing the original as this helps to reduce confusion among reviewers.
What You Should Not Do
1. Post more than one poem at a time on a single thread.
2. Post more than 1 poem a day.
3. Write in capital letters (we are not deaf).
4. Use bold type (we're still not deaf).
5. Use the forum to propagate your religious or political views thinly disguised as poetry.
6. Assume multiple identities in order to praise your own work.
7. Get your friends to register in order to praise your work.
8. Use the forum primarily to plug your own websites.
9. Be deliberately argumentative.
10. Tell us about your vanity published work; we're not interested.
11. Add a copyright symbol. (We're not going to steal your work and, even if we were, who would we sell it to?)
12. Do Keats or Shakespeare impersonations.
Poems that are well received may be featured on the forum. All poems posted on Post-a-Poem remain the copyright of the author.
Remember: the more you put in, the more you'll get out!
If your poetry is well received, it may be moved up into the "Experienced" forum.
This is intended to be a friendly (but serious) forum where inexperienced poets can post their poetry and get feedback from other members.
What You Should Do
1. Review at least 2 other poems before submitting your own. You don't have to be a university poetry professor to do this. Simply read the poem in question a couple of times - inwardly digest it - and then try and identify what you like or dislike about it, preferably giving examples. Here are some tips on how to critique poems:
http://poetsgraves.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3537
2. Try to make your criticism constructive. The aim of the forum is to help people to improve the quality of their work. See http://poetsgraves.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1563
3. When posting a poem, put its title in the subject box.
4. Use meaningful feedback to improve your own work.
5. Try not to take criticism personally.
6. If your poem contains explicit or erotic language, please place a warning in the title.
7. Check your spelling and punctuation carefully before you post.
8. Show respect to the moderators; they give up their free time to ensure that this forum runs smoothly.
9. If, following feedback, you wish to add a redrafted version of your poem, please attach it (in full) to the same thread, marking it clearly "Redraft", rather than editing the original as this helps to reduce confusion among reviewers.
What You Should Not Do
1. Post more than one poem at a time on a single thread.
2. Post more than 1 poem a day.
3. Write in capital letters (we are not deaf).
4. Use bold type (we're still not deaf).
5. Use the forum to propagate your religious or political views thinly disguised as poetry.
6. Assume multiple identities in order to praise your own work.
7. Get your friends to register in order to praise your work.
8. Use the forum primarily to plug your own websites.
9. Be deliberately argumentative.
10. Tell us about your vanity published work; we're not interested.
11. Add a copyright symbol. (We're not going to steal your work and, even if we were, who would we sell it to?)
12. Do Keats or Shakespeare impersonations.
Poems that are well received may be featured on the forum. All poems posted on Post-a-Poem remain the copyright of the author.
Remember: the more you put in, the more you'll get out!
If your poetry is well received, it may be moved up into the "Experienced" forum.
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch
Dear R,
I love the way you have opened your piece, though it reads as if a "prose poem". No harm done, but I stumbled upon "Those raptures of the wild, crystallized in the flapping wing of a butterfly". Are sure its 'crystallized'? Smiles.
I personally feel, if you want to use a prose-like approach, you should continue with it. That said, I must also add that I have enjoyed reading your poem immensely.
Thank you.
I love the way you have opened your piece, though it reads as if a "prose poem". No harm done, but I stumbled upon "Those raptures of the wild, crystallized in the flapping wing of a butterfly". Are sure its 'crystallized'? Smiles.
I personally feel, if you want to use a prose-like approach, you should continue with it. That said, I must also add that I have enjoyed reading your poem immensely.
Thank you.
Thanks Aranasu for the feedback, it's my first poem on the forum so I'm pleased someone liked it.
The line you pointed out - I think I wanted to express the conundrum of the piece, the way nature seems to fluctuates with no consistent form as it passes through time (i.e. the flapping wing) yet crystallized was used to show that it seems so permanent, the movement was captured in my mind as a fluid action, yet again, this is the conundrum, at no point is there any fluidity, only singularity and impermanence. Perhaps crystallized wasn't right, I'm not sure, I'm glad you picked up on it if you weren't happy.
The line you pointed out - I think I wanted to express the conundrum of the piece, the way nature seems to fluctuates with no consistent form as it passes through time (i.e. the flapping wing) yet crystallized was used to show that it seems so permanent, the movement was captured in my mind as a fluid action, yet again, this is the conundrum, at no point is there any fluidity, only singularity and impermanence. Perhaps crystallized wasn't right, I'm not sure, I'm glad you picked up on it if you weren't happy.
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler." Henry David Thoreau
Raincoat,
Welcome to PG,
That's a multifaceted action which gives other posters a chance to have a peek at your observation skills as well as the obvious courtesy of demonstrating that you are not simply looking for a free ride at the expense of those who do use the give and take approach. It's also a good way to learn and offers a greater return than just posting poetry to see if anyone likes it or not. You seem to know your verbs from your nouns, so no need to be shy, if your input is a little more generous you'll most likely find the rewards reflect that in a symmetrical way.
all the best
Danté
Welcome to PG,
It's been a bit quiet here for a few days, but you'll most likely find that others are more likely to express their opinions in relation to your poems if you put a bit more into the forum by way of doing the required amount of critiques.it's my first poem on the forum so I'm pleased someone liked it.
That's a multifaceted action which gives other posters a chance to have a peek at your observation skills as well as the obvious courtesy of demonstrating that you are not simply looking for a free ride at the expense of those who do use the give and take approach. It's also a good way to learn and offers a greater return than just posting poetry to see if anyone likes it or not. You seem to know your verbs from your nouns, so no need to be shy, if your input is a little more generous you'll most likely find the rewards reflect that in a symmetrical way.
all the best
Danté
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch
Dante,
First of all, great name... second...
Really good read. My only critcism is on the line 'jittered nerves settled in a quiet niche by a wet fissure and the swans drift on by' , I understand that this a prose appraoch, but this line really doesn't hang together for me, possibly 'as the swans drifted on by' ?
Durante.
First of all, great name... second...
Really good read. My only critcism is on the line 'jittered nerves settled in a quiet niche by a wet fissure and the swans drift on by' , I understand that this a prose appraoch, but this line really doesn't hang together for me, possibly 'as the swans drifted on by' ?
Durante.