Little Soul

[angeltears]

I'll write these words for you, my baby,
At least I owe you that,
Because no-one can replace you,
Or even bring you back.

You grew inside protected,
From the world you thought you'd see,
But now I'm living without you,
And there's no-one to blame but me.

Everyday I see you,
In everything I do,
You soul is drifting through my mind,
And my heart cries out for you.

Don't think I never loved you,
In fact I can't explain,
Just how much I wanted to hold you,
When I went through all that pain.

The emptiness inside me,
Destroyed me when you were taken away,
And the scar that binds you to my heart,
Sheds tears for you everyday.

I'll never get over losing you,
And how we were once as one,
But your little heart has stopped beating now,
And the suffering you felt is done.

[the stranger]

only a poem like this can be written from experience, otherwise it would be presumtious and tasteless, so I feel for you.

as heart felt as this poem is, it comes back to the Telling not showing, a topic cameron has explained in other posts, a simple but important lesson to learn.

Angeltears, we know how traumatic the situation you write about is, really we do, another perspective that those who haven't experienced this would maybe more enlightening, such as; your thoughts on life after this loss, and the accompanying feelings and reflections that come from that experience.

I'm trying to respond to poems in a constructive manner, but I've never studied poetry, or the english language, so really who am I to comment?

anyway I have, take it as you will and keep writing.........

[bonza]

Whats wrong with telling and not showing, i can't see the problem. I like the poem very much angel tears.

[angeltears]

Surely I am showing how my life is now when I say:

"Everyday I see you,
In everything I do,
You soul is drifting through my mind,
And my heart cries out for you."

And;

"The emptiness inside me,
Destroyed me when you were taken away,
And the scar that binds you to my heart,
Sheds tears for you everyday. "

I understand you may think that, but to be honest I have posted this poem on other communities too, and I have had nothing but positive feedback. I even won an award.

I am not boasting if you think that, just saying that normally the only ones who can understand this poem are those who have been through the same situation.

And when I wrote this poem I was grieving. I wrote what I felt.

But if you still feel this way then thats up to you, not everyone has to like this poem.