I’d slog for miles to breathe in
your April,
your perspiring splendor.
A stray pup searches for food
all through the mid-noon,
and rests underneath an aged car
in a scrap-yard.
I’m a wayfarer, Kolkata,
you be my refuge.
Commuters wait at the bus stop:
small clouds of diverse shades.
A lean beggar croons to a folk tune
amid the commotion.
You be my riches,
I’d bend over my knees
and kiss your earth on a childish dawn.
Kolkata, for you only
Last edited by arunansu on Fri Apr 23, 2010 4:02 am, edited 1 time in total.
Nice read, some suggestions though, which may prove ignorant:
1. 'Your perspiring splendor' - may, possiby, read better as 'your spleandor perspiring' , possibly qualified with a further line about the 'spring' (or 'April' as you so eloquently put it) sun ? One possibility:
I’d slog for miles to breathe in
your April,
your spleandor perspiring
under virgin sun
2. 'Commuters wait on the bus stop': Not sure if this is meant in a figurative way ? (They may wait 'on' a bus, but are surely waiting 'at' a bus stop ?).
Other than that, the last line.. 'and kiss your earth on a childish dawn.' is wonderful. Thanks for sharing.
D.
1. 'Your perspiring splendor' - may, possiby, read better as 'your spleandor perspiring' , possibly qualified with a further line about the 'spring' (or 'April' as you so eloquently put it) sun ? One possibility:
I’d slog for miles to breathe in
your April,
your spleandor perspiring
under virgin sun
2. 'Commuters wait on the bus stop': Not sure if this is meant in a figurative way ? (They may wait 'on' a bus, but are surely waiting 'at' a bus stop ?).
Other than that, the last line.. 'and kiss your earth on a childish dawn.' is wonderful. Thanks for sharing.
D.
Sorry for the mistake. It should be 'at'. Edited it.
'Your splendor perspiring' is one nice thought. Liked it a lot. I will think on it when I revise. Thanks.
'Your splendor perspiring' is one nice thought. Liked it a lot. I will think on it when I revise. Thanks.