The Plight Of Suicide

[Richardthelionheart]

Yesterday, I found myself in the deepest,
Darkest recesses of old Black Despair;
So lost within His labyrinth was I,
Only myself, and sulking Suicide were there!
We moped and groaned at each others' past,
And He was most forlorn;
His master, Death, has frowned on Him
Since the day that He was born.

He explained how being immortal
Creates problems of its own;
For if One's tally is insufficient,
It seems the Devil will disown!
"I'm supposed to coax Men to end their lives,
Any which way they will" He said,
Portraying methods used through the Ages -
Figures spinning around in His head.

"Oh, I've had my moments!"
At one point He did crow -
"But my numbers are nowhere near enough",
He grumbled with head hung low.
"Old Plague, and War, and the Natural Disasters,
- each are crowned in glory:
But my master Death, despairs in me
And my ancient, untold story."

"But!" He said, His sullen frown
Morphing to a grotesque smile;
"I've been pondering and planning,
And a'scheming all the while:
If I make it painless for them -
And yes, this may sound a little sick;
I believe I'll increase my numbers
If it's just, a numbing little prick!"

And as He spoke, His smile distended,
And a fire blazed in His heart;
Then up He rose out of Black Despair,
His scheme He planned to start;-
He's out there now, His plan unfolds,
His numbers will have surely increased
- for if you legalise Dignitas
Only Suicide, and Death, will be pleased!

[Sandbanx]

Sounds like He was trying to get drum up some busines by gaining your sympathy Richard.

Interesting poem, sad though and I am not a fan of despondent poems..... however, I thought I had best do my bit here and read this and offer some thoughts:

I am somewhat confused initially, with the capitalized "He" and "His". If these represent the highest form, then "His Master" (an even higher form?) caused me to pause and go back, gather my thoughts.

Also, in S1:

"...Yesterday, I found myself in the deepest,
Darkest recesses of old Black Despair;
So lost within His labyrinth was I, ..."

In this instance, the "His" seems to refer to "old Black Despair". The rest of the poem, "His" or "He" appears to refer to "Suicide".

Since Suicide seems to be a one man operation, I am not sure how the devil would disown him for an insufficient tally. In His case, one is better than none I would think.....beggars can't be choosers, especially when you have a single source of supply.

I'm not convinced that legalising Dignitas would be the answer to all of his concerns. I would suggest promoting the Black Despair might have a more effective result. Dignitas is merely the facilitator.

Dignitas uses ingested drugs to meet the clients needs..... no "numbing little prick' that I am aware of. Unless they changed things, and I am no expert by any means so feel free to ignore that one!

And of course no-one single person should be expected to compete with the likes of plague, war and natural disasters. They have their own mandate, so tell Him to cheer up! I'm sure the boss is simply setting the tone for his annual performance review.

All in all... it's a good poem, well said, dark subject treated with seriousness and smidgen of levity with some finely crafted lines leading to a resolution of the initial statements for one of the subjects. I would like to see the sequel, to find out how the writer gets out of his own funk. You've left me hanging!


Cheers

[Ros]

You're having a bit of trouble with repeated posts, RtL - I'll tidy up for you.

Ros

[Mr_Proudfoot]

Good one Rich3rd... hold on, Lionheard was Rich1st... ah well, sorry.

I like this poem, it's a good read and quite compelling.

It kept me interested right to the end; probably quite a lot of people have experiences which help them to identify with some of the issues you deal with so I suppose you made a good choice of subject matter.

I found the beginning of v2 pretty humorous; your rhyme and word selection seems to me slightly reminiscent of Lewis Carol... or the sort of... older generation of rhyming poets. Is that a fair comment? Of course your subject matter is wildly different.

So you've done well with what could be a tricky topic, well done I'm not sure how i would improve on it to be honest. I guess it's a shame to end with that half rhyme, increased-pleased. But that's picking holes really and I can't think of how you would change it.

Do you remember that news item when loads of urns started turning up in a lake near to the Dignitas HQ? Perhaps you could find some further inspiration in those news items... Mind you, there's always that horrid witch who's going round offering £200 for druggies to get steralised... I wonder if she could be persuaded to extend that mandate to include people from thepoetryforum.co.uk?

[David]

This, also, is old-fashioned stuff. Now I'm a big fan of the old-fashioned stuff, but - to use a musical analogy - if I want to listen to classical music I'll go to Messrs. Mozart, Beethoven or Schubert etc. I'm not going to put Waldo de los Rios on. (Although, once upon a time, I was a big fan.)

However, you do get that old-fashioned vibe pretty well, Richard, with the capitalised Personifications and so on, and I like the idea of Suicide as a struggling sales rep. (Gil in The Simpsons?)

My main problem with this is that it's a proselytizing poem. Rather than thinking aloud, and allowing the reader to follow your thoughts as you make (or fail) to make interesting discoveries, you appear to have decided what you think and are going to beat the reader over the head with it until they agree with you. Or until they fall to the ground, concussed.

And your conclusion is just plain wrong. You must see that, even if - and it's a viable opinion - you are opposed to euthanasia.

Cheers

David

[Nicky B]

Really liked the idea of this, but also got a bit confused with who was who. Perhaps too many players in this piece, or not clearly enough defined.

I also felt it went off the boil towards the end, it reads a little like an anti-dignatas leaflet, which is a real shame. I pondered if this was because I disagree with your point, but think it really isn't quite right. Could it have a different ending and leave this slightly ranty bit out? Perhaps you could discuss how depressing life is these days, families separated, consumerism, bad tv etc. etc.. Modern life provides many more reasons why Suicide should be happy.

Nicky B

[Richardthelionheart]

Input! Great - I feel like Number Five!
Re; Sandbanx.
Firstly, my sympathy was/is with those who elect to end their lives via Dignitas. Suicide was merely the tool used. If it isn't Suicide, what is it? - In classical poetry (at least, that which I have read), when referring to the "Immortals" they always used capitals, so I naturally thought this was correct. I too know not if Dignitas use the "ingested" or "injected" method, the point I was trying to make was the "painlessness" of it all, making it easier for desperate people to choose. And whilst Dignitas will not be the answer to all Suicides concerns, it will certainly increase His numbers, if only slightly. The poem was my humble protest at "paid for suicide". Whilst I am not against euthanasia per se, I just feel that this could be the first crack in the dyke. Surely it will lead to people with "minor" illnesses such as depression, mental disorders, minor disabilities, etc choosing this option. How many will then be knocking on its doors? It just feels a little sinister to me. - I do appreciate your comments. I thank you very much for them, and the time you gave me, all has been "ingested". For too long I have craved input on my writing, and you are the first, so thanks again and hope you'll crit my future efforts.
Re; Mr Proudfoot.
Thanks for your generous comments. Glad you enjoyed. And yes, old style rhyme from an old man (mature student now). Thanks again for your precious comments and time, much appreciated.
Re; David.
I am a beginner - just two years ago I began my poetry. Most of the books I have collected in this short time are "Peoples Favourites" , "Top 100", etc. Over 90% of those are rhyming poems. I thought, if thats the case, do people not prefer rhyme? Am I barking up the wrong tree? Is it a generational thing, as I am an older man? - I have so many questions! Any guidance, however small, would help. Thanks for your comments and time, appreciated.
Re; Nicky B.
Can't really change the ending, as Dignitas was the whole point of the poem - perhaps a change of title? or maybe I should have approached it from a different angle? Thank you for your comments and time, appreciated.
P.S. Thanks Ros, dont know whats going on there. Another technological dinosaur I'm afraid. Thanks all once again. Lionheart.

[Sandbanx]

Richard thanks for your thoughtful and humble response to my crit.... this has helped me appreciate the poem more. I am as new at critique as you are at poetry and so i have learned much by this.

I wanted to comment however, on your other comment, about Rhyming poems....as I read that, I immediatley thought of Francis Church's reply to young Virginia O'Hanlon:

"No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood."

You are not barking up the wrong tree. Rhyme continues to appeal to many people and I include myself in that group. I am sure it will have an appeal a thousand, nay, ten thousand years from now. So no, don't ever give up on that. Poetry needs to be what you feel and think and are most comfortable with when expresing yourelf. You should not be restricted by the flavour of the day.

Cheers