Hi Wally.
I have asked this question before in connection with an earlier poem posted by you.
When is the narrator here supposed to be speaking? "Tis better" (unless there is some special regional or South African setting I do not know about...as there may be) is an expression faded from use. Is there a special reason why it is being used in this context? Any contemporary reader British reader will immediately think...why Ye Olde?
Cheers,
Ant.
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur
I like the idea expressed in the first 3 lines, shadow leading to darkness. After that it didn't seem to go anywhere much. The end lines remind me only of Peter Pan and I don't think that's your intent. Should it be denizen's?
I'm out of faith and in my cups
I contemplate such bitter stuff.
Thank you for those observations. In the case of SEED O' FLAME, you were quite correct, the language did not suit the chosen voice and I corrected it. (go take look)
In this case, the voice defiantly emanates from an "old soul". Who he is exactly and where or when he comes from, I don't yet know but I suspect he will turn out to be a religious figure due to message he conveys. So, until he reveals more of himself to me, I will permit him the use of "olde tongue"
Righto Wally, if the setting requires old voice..just checking.
Light/shadows metaphors are always interesting...although the last line reminds me a little of some horror story. Is it vampires that do not have shadows? I forget.
Cheers,
Ant.
We fray into the future, rarely wrought
Save in the tapestries of afterthought.
Richard Wilbur