Honourably mentioned

[David]

REVISION

At the village produce show,
in among the frantically
gesticulating gladdies,
the plump Victoria Sandwiches
and the soda breads of greater or less
ideological soundness,
how pleasant to find a homely friend
so startlingly transfigured;
the humble tuber, least instrument
in the orchestra of Plenty,
and gloriously done up
to the wildly improbable nines
and into a class of its own:
the Decorated Potato.

ORIGINAL

At the village produce show,
in among the frantically
gesticulating gladdies,
the plump Victoria Sandwiches
and the soda breads of greater or less
ideological soundness,
how pleasant to find a humble friend
so startlingly transfigured;
the humble tuber, least instrument
in the orchestra of Plenty,
and gloriously done up
to the wildly improbable nines,
an honourable score:
the Decorated Potato.

[Jackie]

David,

This reminds me how much fun poetry writing is!

Soundness is perfect—wonderful to land on that word at that point.

If I had my druthers, I'd substitute a humble friend with the last line, and end the poem with an honourable score. Just saying.

Really enjoyed this!

Jackie

[Antcliff]

Nicely conveys the whimsical nature and basic warmth of such occasions. Tone fits subject matter so well imho.

Let even the humblest veg have its day of glory.

[ray miller]

Enjoyed. Reminds me of Betjeman.

and the soda breads of greater or less
ideological soundness,

should it be lesser?

I don't really know why but the subject seems to call for amongst rather than among.

[steamboats]

Wonder if you could make more of the decorated potato theme and centre the poem round that more. It's a good idea and gives lots of scope for humour. You've got two humbles

[dafra]

What a great poem to celebrate this season of shows. Our local leek club show is this Saturday followed by a huge number of others around the county. There are many gladdies.

I had a response already prepared but steamboats beat me to it and I wanted to suggest

how pleasant to find a humble friend

altered to exclude humble. This avoids the repetition because the friend is qualified adequately when described such later on. I tried to think of your reason for the repeat but couldn't.

I loved the Decorated Potato. I think it would have been even better for me if it had come as a surprise at the end by not preparing me with 'humble tuber'. Or, as Jackie suggested, put it within the body and throw away the end surprise.

greater or less

great ideological soundness; greater ideological soundness; less ideological soundness; lesser ideological soundness.
less sounds better and the meaning and grammar is fine for me and I don't think needs to be explicitly comparative here.

dafra

[Macavity]

hi david

Perhaps the rotund tuber to avoid the flagging of humble twice. I thought the poem was fun and reminded me of such shows, which I rather enjoy.

cheers

mac

[Arian]

Can't think of anything I don't like about this: quintessentially Davidesque. Which, in my book, means subtly reflective, subtly funny, technically sound. I really like, in particular: the orchestra of Plenty.

Cheers
Peter

[David]

Thanks, all.

Jackie, fun is always a welcome response! What I think I haven't made clear is that "Decorated Potato" was actually, rather wonderfully, a class in the show, and I'd like to try to make that clearer.

Seth, once I'd written this - or even when I was writing it - I told myself that it was a Seth poem, by which I think I mean something apparently small and parochial but with far greater import than you realise at first. Now I actually think I've been writing these "Seth poems" since long before you joined PG, but it just shows how successful I think you are in the genre. Hope you don't mind being a genre!

and the soda breads of greater or less
ideological soundness,

should it be lesser?

I'm not sure. I was thinking of "greater than" as the opposite of "less than". So grammatically I think "less" might be correct, but somehow lesser sounds better. But I (and dafra) think it isn't.

I don't really know why but the subject seems to call for amongst rather than among.

That's another one I'm vague about! I might go and look that up.

Wonder if you could make more of the decorated potato theme and centre the poem round that more. It's a good idea and gives lots of scope for humour. You've got two humbles

Yes, I need to reframe the poem slightly (only slightly, I hope), and I had an alternative to two humbles but forgot to use it. Will do in the revision.

Glad you enjoyed it dafra. Great! Leeks, eh? Are you sure you're not Welsh?

Mac, I'm going to tackle the double humble, which was a slip of the fingers. Glad you liked it.

And glad you liked it, Peter! Thanks for the very kind comment.

Cheers all

David

[bodkin]

What I think I haven't made clear is that "Decorated Potato" was actually, rather wonderfully, a class in the show, and I'd like to try to make that clearer.

I got that, actually. Otherwise will just repeat the accolade of "fun"... enjoyed a great deal.

[Antcliff]

Seth, once I'd written this - or even when I was writing it - I told myself that it was a Seth poem, by which I think I mean something apparently small and parochial but with far greater import than you realise at first. Now I actually think I've been writing these "Seth poems" since long before you joined PG, but it just shows how successful I think you are in the genre. Hope you don't mind being a genre!

Very kind of you to say so, David , though I find it hard to believe my poems display this feature to such a degree as your own. I had no idea that there was anything sufficiently systematic/regular in the way I write to count as being of my own genre. But then I suppose we are less able to recognise our own style/voice than others.

ta

Seth

[David]

Otherwise will just repeat the accolade of "fun"... enjoyed a great deal.

Great. Fun is fine by me, Ian.

I had no idea that there was anything sufficiently systematic/regular in the way I write to count as being of my own genre. But then I suppose we are less able to recognise our own style/voice than others.

I think that's definitely true!

I've had a minor fiddle with this, anyway. Fixed the double humble, and tinkered - perhaps wrongly - with the penultimate line.

[Ros]

I like the revision. Works well.

Ros

[bodkin]

Also like the revision, but smoother without "and" in the penultimate line?

For me "decorated potato" brings an image of a spud with handlebar moustache being given a medal...

Ian

[Macavity]

how pleasant to find a homely friend

Like that. Fits in with the 'elevation' to the spangle of decorated. Moving into a 'class of its own' also fits the picture.

For me "decorated potato" brings an image of a spud with handlebar moustache being given a medal...

I see the picture!

cheers

mac

[Antcliff]

I like the revision.

Ros

Ditto.

[David]

Great! Finally a revision that didn't ruin everything. Relief.

Cheers all

David

P.S. Mrs D won the Victoria Sandwich class - well, her cake did - and a bloody great cup.

[thoke]

I'm too much of a townie to be interested in the subject matter, but the poem is decent enough. If potatoes are your kind of thing, then you could do worse than read this.

Ben

[David]

Thanks, Ben. I think. I'll consider myself honourably mentioned.