Break Up

[Luce]

[center]in the trash
an orange flip flop
with no mate


Luce[/center]

[Boat]

Huh?

[David]

An Imagist poem? Actually, is it a Japanese form? It seems like a truncated haiku.

Cheers

David

[Antcliff]

I rather like it, Luce

The jilted partner as a flip-flop in the trash.

And they get to be orange, slightly garish.

Seth

[k-j]

I like it too. Orange makes the poem. Like the red wheelbarrow.

[ManOfWar]

such simplicity, very much anti- art, the question, what is broken on top of yesterdays news?

[Macavity]

Nice one. Triggers the reader's imagination.

best

mac

[Jackie]

The jilted partner as a flip-flop in the trash.

Love this interpretation. And using flip-flop for the rubber thong brings out the fickleness of relationships. Qualify that, some relationships.

Jackie

[Halfwrittenpoem]

Luce,
I love how succinct and crisp this piece of work is. It works very well with the title and the theme is quite appealing and unconventional. Orange is the highlight of the poem; it paints a striking picture in the reader's mind.
I'm curious as to know what prompted you to use 'flip flops'.
Regards,
HWP.

[Luce]

Pat, David, Seth, k-j, MOW, mac, Jackie & HWP - thanks for reading this little piece.

I'm glad most of you like it and explaining why you do, which is important.

Yes, I purposely picked orange because it is one of those colors that's "in your face". It would stand out in the trash.

I picked flip flops over rubber thongs because of the sound both in real life and for sonic effect. I also like the connotation of the word. Some one flip flopping is someone changing sides or actions...or mates???

As far as format goes, it's a short poem. I don't think I can formally call it a haiku or senryu. I gave it a title and haiku or senryu are not titled. It is very haiku/senryu like in structure (3-5-3 modern format).

Luce

[Boat]

I'm gonna have to start remembering to read the title then link it to the poem in future...It sometimes is useful for understanding the poem. I get it now.
I take back my 'huh?'.

I wonder how many readers would get the poem's meaning without the help that the title brings (I'm referring to any poem not particularly this one)?

Nice one, Luce. Flip flops and flip flopping works well. I'm not sure I understand why the colour orange is so significant in this poem even with the given explanation? Yes, an orange flip flop would stand out in the rubbish but why does it need to if the poem is a metaphore for a relationship break up? Would a person recently 'broke up' stand out in the crowd. Is that it? I don't get the need for orange otherwise.

What do I know?

Regards.

Pat.

[Moth]

It works for me! Short pieces like this are always remembered if good and as far as I'm concerned this fits the bill. First off, it makes for a good clear image. Orange might not be the obvious colour choice - I'd have probably gone for yellow - but it does stand out and can be read into - orange as in ginger-haired, perhaps - too ginger, so seen as a bit of a comic turn, or plastered with fake tan, therefore fake as a person. I got the flip-flopping, changeable personality straight away. I also thought of flip flops as being cheap and nasty, plastic, only good for one season. The title also works on two levels if you think about what generally happens to trash. Does the poem fit a particular form? I haven't the foggiest, but it is nicely symmetrical when centered. So, yes, there's a lot more to this one than meets the eye.

[JJWilliamson]

Like most haikuesque poems the reader finds more with each pass. I missed the verb first time round then slapped my head when I realised the flip flopping of reversal was pertinent. It's an American expression that has crept or is creeping across the pond. Took me some time but I got there. There is the flip-flopping sound of movement as well, although I dismissed that possibility on the grounds of inertia. We have one flip flop which can either flip or flop . In this case it does neither and we don't know where the other flip flop is to make any kind of reliable judgement. It's other half is simply not there. I'm already feeling sorry for your lonely, abandoned flip flop.

The title is crucial and very much a part of the poem, as it should be, but in this case it appears as a central feature. The image supports the title. Excellent in my opinion.

Then you present 'orange', which is a common, gaudy, unmissable colour and one that would catch the eye of the most unobservant individual. It's in the trash, discarded, of no further use, irrelevant and unwanted. The mystery surrounding the missing shoe is great and mildly amusing as the reader finds himself/herself wondering about the other flip flop. Where is it? Why would the owner only throw one away? Of course, the partner could be hidden under more trash but we get the feeling of loss and abandonment as the metaphor reveals itself. The close cleverly refers to 'mate' to leave a final impression of a relationship breakdown.

Grew on me then grew some more. Now I love it. Very "imagist" indeed.

Best

JJ

[center]in the trash
an orange flip flop
with no mate


Luce[/center]

[bodkin]

Shorter than a haiku!

I prefer meatier pieces, but I have enjoyed this. And also the discussion, which has teased more and more out of it...

...very good.

Ian

[Luce]

Pat. Moth JJ & Ian - Thanks for dropping by to read this little piece.

Pat - I'm glad you understand it better.

Moth, JJ & Ian- Glad you like the poem.

Luce

[Firebird]

This is good. The only thing I'm not sure about is the 'mate'. It somehow seems out of place and is probably unneeded baring in mind the title. For me, I'm not sure what l3 is adding to the poem. If this were mine, I might be bold and scrap l3. I think the orange flip flop is excellent though.

Sorry I can't help more.

Cheers,

Tristan

[Luce]

This is good. The only thing I'm not sure about is the 'mate'. It somehow seems out of place and is probably unneeded baring in mind the title. For me, I'm not sure what l3 is adding to the poem. If this were mine, I might be bold and scrap l3. I think the orange flip flop is excellent though.

Sorry I can't help more.

Cheers,

Tristan

Tristan - I see your point about eliminating the last line. It may be an interesting route to take the next time around.

Okay. This poem goes into the drawer for a long rest. Time to move on.

Luce