London to Brighton in Four Minutes

[Lou]

Archive heaven: the Brighton Belle, filmed
in fast motion, belts along at supersonic speed:
stations, bridges, countryside zipping by,
rails whipping like maddened racer snakes,
an hour swallowed up in four minutes.

Ted in the driver’s cab looks unconcerned
as if he does this sort of stunt every day,
his 1950s mug emotionless as he winds
up the Belle’s throttle to touch Mach 1
and we feel the wheels begin to lift.

Still, the passengers seem quite matter-of-fact,
the men in trilbies, suits and ties - on holiday! -
the women twin-setted and pearled with glinting
Dame Edna specs, all propelled from Victoria
at 750 mph, and they don’t turn a hair.

But like the London to Brighton film, life seems
a trick of acceleration: one moment waiting
on the platform with shrimp net, spade and pail,
then four minutes later you’re struggling with cases,
down on a stony beach towards implacable breakers.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7GXWuTwkF8

[JJWilliamson]

Very rhythmic and entertaining. I didn't fully get the close or at least the last line.
I thought of the carefree innocence of childhood juxtaposed with the burdens of maturity.

Haven't watched that film for an age. I loved the intro of "Trick photography" with BBC accent and all.
That really dated it.

Best

JJ

PS
Could be about approaching death, the end of the line. Where did that life go!!?

J

[Lou]

Thanks jj,

I resisted the temptation to go for a clackerty-clack rhythm. Yes, implacable breakers equals death.

Best,
Lou

[cynwulf]

I'm with JJ on this, your form has captured the film very well, a light touch with a profound clout at the end.
Regards c.

[Lou]

Thanks c!

Best,
Lou

[Ros]

Great subject. I think it's asking for a regular rhythm, though.

Not sure about the line break here as it breaks the phrase

his 1950s mug emotionless as he winds
up the Belle’s throttle to touch Mach 1

- perhaps just miss out the 'up'?

Ros

[Lou]

Thanks Ros,

Yes, I'll cut 'up' in L.9.
I don't think it's a great idea to set this one in a train rhythm, it's a bit corny, and, as you can hear in the film, at close to supersonic speed there's just a whooshing sound.

Best,
Lou

[ray miller]

Very good, enjoyed a lot.

Archive heaven: the Brighton Belle, filmed
in fast motion, belts along at supersonic speed: - do you need the colons, they slow things down
stations, bridges, countryside zipping by,
rails whipping like maddened racer snakes,
an hour swallowed up in four minutes. - nice rhymes, zipping, whipping, minutes. A great opening stanza

Ted in the driver’s cab looks unconcerned
as if he does this sort of stunt every day,
his 1950s mug emotionless as he winds - emotionless seems a bit long for the rhythm, impassive?
up the Belle’s throttle to touch Mach 1
and we feel the wheels begin to lift.

Still, the passengers seem quite matter-of-fact,
the men in trilby’s, suits and ties - on holiday! - trilbies
the women twin-setted and pearled with glinting
Dame Edna specs, all propelled from Victoria - it may not matter but Dame Edna specs appeared after the 50s
at 750 mph, and they don’t turn a hair.

But like the London to Brighton film, life seems
a trick of acceleration: one moment waiting
on the platform with shrimp net, spade and pail,
then four minutes later you’re struggling with cases,
down on a stony beach towards implacable breakers.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7GXWuTwkF8

[Lou]

Thanks Ray,

You could be right about the colon in L2, and I certainly prefer your 'impassive' to my 'emotionless' in L8.
Dame Edna dressed in a very old fashioned manner, even for an Australian matriarch, and although her specs were well over the top they were surely based on 50s designs:

http://www.deadmensspex.com/default/vin ... acles.html

Best,
Lou

[Crayon]

Lou - So true. Life moves pretty fast - then four minutes later we're nudging the buffers.

Maybe:
his 1950's mug inscrutable as he cranks
the Belle's throttle to touch mach one

[Macavity]

Neatly done Lou, not overstated, though I like to picture a pebbled beach rather than a stony one

best

mac

[Lou]

Thanks Crayon,

Yes, 'inscrutable' would be good, I'll think about it.

Best,
Lou


Thanks mac,

Strange how pebbles are nice but stones are not.

Best,
Lou

[bodkin]

How did I miss this for so long? Delightful! I tried a poem about a supersonic train for our competition some years back, but it wasn't a patch on this...

"trilby's" => "trilbies"?

Ian

[Lou]

Thanks Ian,

Yes, I wondered about 'trilby's'. I imagined it would be shortened from trilby hats, hence the apostrophe. But you might be right.

Best,
Lou

[bodkin]

Thanks Ian,

Yes, I wondered about 'trilby's'. I imagined it would be shortened from trilby hats, hence the apostrophe. But you might be right.

Best,
Lou

I think apostrophes for abbreviation are only within single words.

With phrases it's a different usage and the reader is left to figure it out alone:

"vacuum cleaners" -> "vacuums"

Even if the name involves a proper name:

"Hoover vacuum cleaners" -> "Hoovers"

I suspect, even if the name involved a possessive:

"Bodkin's Empire-Brand Patented Electric Nose Tweakers" would still become "Bodkins" (assuming I was selling enough that the usage became that familiar...

Ian

[Lou]

Thanks Ian,

Trilbies it is.

Best,
Lou

[Crayon]

I think apostrophes for abbreviation are only within single words.

But often not even then; eg: Dame Edna specs; Brits eat fish 'n' chips.

"Bodkin's Empire-Brand Patented Electric Nose Tweakers" would still become "Bodkins" (assuming I was selling enough that the usage became that familiar...

Bah! False modesty, sir! Her Majesty's empire could never have reached so far, or stood so tall, without a ready supply of quality Bodkins.