Christmas Cactus

[capricorn]

Christmas Cactus

She faded at Yuletide
-- left me orphaned.
I adopted her favourite cactus,
brought to cheer her
in the dreary ward,
took it home to nourish.

Trapped in mourning’s rut,
I neglected it.
Grief eased; I found the plant
desiccated, like my core.

Wilted with guilt
I teased encrusted roots
from sapless earth,
pampered it with fresh soil,
water and kindness.

To my surprise, cerise buds
now tip verdant leaves.
It's almost Spring, yet
her Christmas Cactus blooms.

[camus]

Eira,

I like this tale of redemption. The rejuvenation of a dying thing, the joy of bringing something to life again, alas, a tainted reminder.

On that note i was unsure of:

She faded at Yuletide
-- left me orphaned.

'Orphaned' seemed an odd term to use? I may be reading it wrong?

desiccated, like my core.

Perhaps a little clichéd, overwrought even?

Other than that, enjoyed.

Cheers
Kris

[dkemper314]

I like the balanced progress and ultimate redemption. I like that a final image speaks the conclusion, not a didactic expression.

For me, I think maybe the first stanza could grow into two and give just a touch more explanation of the setting. It's longer than the others and perhaps it's trying to grow too. -? Just a thought.

BTW, just visited the Luther Burbank Gardens about 1 1/2 hours from my home, where, featured in the center of all his creative work (800 new species or something like that) is a spineless cactus about fifteen feet tall.

[CalebPerry]

I really like this poem, although I echo Kris's concerns -- not so much about "orphaned" as much as about "desiccated". I assume you are writing about your mother, or some other person who was a guardian or mentor, and thus feeling abandoned (orphaned). How about "exhausted" in place of "desiccated"? That word would create a bridge between the speaker and the cactus.

I'm not in love with "wilted" or "sapless". The earth by definition has no sap in it, and guilt doesn't usually "wilt" people. "Cerise" is getting a little fancy. "Crimson" would tie in neatly with the topic of ill health.

It's pretty clear that my objections to the poem all have to do with individual word choices, which is a good indication that the overall poem is solid. The poem works well, but I'd use different descriptive words.