Apprentice

[barrie]

‘Just fetch that bucket over here,
that’s the one, hurry up and catch these words.
Put them?
Oh, over there next to the useful phrases,
they’ll be gone soon enough!
Next time you go into the loft,
keep your eyes open for those
complex sentences; and while you’re there,
if you come across that box of really long words,
dump them!
See this tin of cliches here, weld the lid on –
wouldn’t like to get dependent
on those things!
That sack of slang over in the corner,
the one covered in history dust,
now that’s really worth rummaging through.
There, see - by the door! Why do you think I left them out?
A choice selection of imports;
if you sort through the Latin and Greek,
you may be surprised by the Arabic and Sanskrit
among the other welcomed immigrants,
disguised and Anglicised.
Try them out – loose that curled tongue!
By the way, where did you put all those good ideas?
Hope you didn’t sling them out with the bad ones!’

[lemony]

Shouldn't this be posted on the tutorials board?

I think if I study this I could learn a lot - especially with regard to cliches!

I like the humour, and although it dives straight in - it is immediately clear what is going on. Clean, easy to read, nice rhythm, I especially enjoyed ...

'disguised and Anglicised.
Try them out – loose that curled tongue!'

I like it.

[pseud]

Yes yes what if poets did have apprentices? I worked as an apprenctice at an etching studio (the guy lived in Indiana, but was serious, from a school in L.A.) and he used to order me around the same way. I learned so, so much, about art from him.

Anyhow, I read your poem with his voice in my head and it works. He used to put magnetic poetry on the refridgerator, had a 'word' of the day that I had never heard of. He would also compose ghazals, very painful ghazals. Should've stuck to etching...

No crits.

-Caleb

[David]

I don't have any additional incisive insights to offer here, but you've done what you set out to do and it works really well, and I at least wanted to say that.

So, that's a bull's eye then Barrie. (If you know it's a cliche, can it not count?)

David

[barrie]

Lemony - thanks for the reply, glad you got something out of it.

Thanks Caleb - This man you describe sounds like some grumpy old Zen master - Did you learn anything from the ghazals?

David - The bull's-eye cliches fine, it's the the cliche from the other end of the bull that I'd be bothered about! Thanks for the response.

cheers all

Barrie

[twoleftfeet]

By beginning with the bucket, you certainly bring to mind the classic
story/cartoon/music immediately.

How about extending this poem along the same lines?
What if the apprentice doesn't weld shut the cliche box and does
a quick impression of Pandora instead? Just a thought.

If you don't want the slang and etymology sacks - I'll have them!

Nice one
Geoff

[barrie]

Thanks Geoff

Back to Pandora's box, eh?

If you want those sacks, write your name and address on the back of your telephone number (enclosing a PO for 7/6), and hand it to the nearest postman.

cheers

Barrie