I Am Lying

[raedaljishi@]

Remove your sunglasses

and look to the world again

You will see that there is no darkness

You just need to remove the blackness

and then you will have no pain

that is what I was telling everyone

and I know that I was lying

***

Oh my dear life is fair

you will find your love somewhere

he will care like you do care

you just need to go in there

that is what i was telling everyone

and i know that i was lying


I was whispering days and nights

giving hopes making lights

if you can stand and hold

You will make your life so good

That is what I was telling everyone

and I know that I was lying
***
I know that lying is a sin

but my God leaves me in peace

a green light he gives me when

I just want to spread some peace

and that is why I am telling everyone

and I know

that they know

that I am lying

[jamesconlon88]

hey raedaljishi,

I liked this quite a bit actually, but the lack of apostrophes and full stops (although initially quite gratifying in slowing down the pace of the poem) sometimes becomes a bit dreary especially within the 3rd and 4th stanzas.

"You just need to remove the blackness"
For some reason this line stuck out to me as a bit awkward i think its the 'just' makes it a bit too personal.

otherwise a great poem, well done.