Blame the weather

[camus]

It’s barbecue weather, meat scented air
mixed with civilised gossip, on freshly
mown lawns, alerts my senses to what
I should have known, long, long before
I entered this town,
that is
animal instincts are tamed by the sun,
and shift with the seasons,
and curtains are opened free to the world
to see what does, and does not go on
in our provincial lives, but when the
rains come, and the streets are densely
occupied by people poorer and wetter
than you or I , curtains begin to close,
and lives constrict themselves,
and blinder people than before, close
their windows, double lock their doors,
batten down the hatches, for the storms
ahead, shut out life that shouldn’t be seen
in bad weather.

[cameron]

To my way of thinking, this is defintely your best one so far!

I like the sense of something disturbing behind the facade of ordinary life. I also like the imminent sense of rain and of people shutting things out of their lives.

The use of 'I' is powerful and you also manage to make it a universal 'I' - which is not easy to do.

However, I would urge you to take out the phrase 'batten down the hatches' which is a bit of a cliche and spoils the original nature of the poem. I also feel that the ending needs a little bit of reworking to bring it more sharply into focus. Otherwise, good one. You could try sending it to some poetry mags.

C
PS thanks very much for trying to kick-start the forum. Much appreciated. However, it looks as though it's just you and me.

[camus]

Thanks C,

I agree with your comments about 'batten down the hatches' , and it definitely needs a little working on, I tend to rush down whats on my mind, and more often than not forget to tidy things up.

Never thought about sending my poetry to any poetry pubs, do you have any info on places to send to?

Thanks for the words and encouragement, it takes time for forums to really get going, it'll take off eventually.

[cameron]

Check out my new sticky 'Getting Your Poetry Published' - which includes links to lists of UK poetry mags and e-zines.

Cheers
C

[camus]

C,

where is the link?

cheers
K

[Nicola]

Hi there

There should be 2 Poetry Kit links on the 'Getting your Poetry Published' message in this forum.
If they are not there please let me know as that will mean I've done something wrong!

Thanks
Nicola

[camus]

Yep got em,

thanks
Kris