Street by Street

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
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dl04
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Fri Apr 25, 2008 2:32 pm

Empty out the bins
for some stash of release
to write off a hard day
of frozen poultry.

Those girls with half-there morals,
even they have their limits.
Nothing sharp,
nothing lasting.

Still crawling

street by street,
til the sun illuminates skin
and the ecstasy smuggled in.
Last edited by dl04 on Fri Apr 25, 2008 3:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
' Everybody's saying that hell's the hippest way to go, well i dont think so but i'm gonna take a look around'

-Joni Mitchell
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Gene van Troyer
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Fri Apr 25, 2008 3:36 pm

I think you mean "ecstasy" in the final line.

I couldn't connect with "frozen poultry." Likewise, I wondered why the two phrases were italicized. Were you suggesting some kind of desperate act committed with the poultry?

There are some nice lines—the opening two and the last four—but I'm not sure I really get it. There isn't quite enough to grab hold of.
"If you don't like my principles, I have others." —Groucho Marx
TDF
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Fri Apr 25, 2008 4:45 pm

Hey dl,

This poem grew on me as I re-read it, partially due to the choice of language, partually due to the ambiguity. Like Gene, I don't think I really got it.

I first thought I was just reading another 'getting over work' poem, for some poor soul who works in a chicken processing factory. The idea of using the dumping of the waste at the end of a shift as cathartic process was nice. The last 2 lines suggest it was also a night shift: 'til the sun' indicating morning to me, but that clashed with 'hard day'.
However, the stash and ecstasy being smuggled made me switch to the idea of drugs and emerging from an allnight rave, crawling home to recover.
But I didn't quite get the second stanza as a link between the first and last. Are they ladies of the night you see on the way home? Is sharp pertaining to harder drugs like heroin? where the girls half naked and dancing at the rave? or am i missing the point entirely?

I liked a few of the phrases: "some stash of release" and "half-there morals" for example, but didn't quite grasp the message as a whole. I want to say it's about taking drugs and partying as escapism from mundainity... but I can't say it with confidence.


Tom
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Fri Apr 25, 2008 7:52 pm

As already said, this poem isn't easy to get and understand. Some lines are definitely ambiguous, if not even outright unclear, I'm afraid. The image of frozen poultry is one of them - my attempt to interpret that would go along TDF's line: does it symbolize the mundaness of the world? If so, I'd say it's a bit far-fetched - it seems a bit as if you tried to hard with that line to come up with something really new and extraordinary.

Again like TDF, I liked the half-there morals - though I'm not completely sure who 'these girls' are, the whole stanza is quite well written.

As to the meaning, I can see why TDF (sorry I'm only referring to you but without your views I would have been kind of lost on this one) thinks it's about a big session, a big night out. I can't explain everything to that ending, but the crawling, the street by street and the til the sun illuminates skin could be seen to support that view: After a heavy night drinking/doing drugs the walking can be become more like crawling; nightclub follows nightclub follows nightclub seems to underlie the street-by-street bit; and of course a night of partying might not end in the night but literally in the morning when the sun comes out. So maybe that's the way to understand this poem?!
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