Hi , here is my poem
One Four And More
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Here I am to start what I came for
Telling my story from one to four
One goal I have lived my whole life for
Searching for luxury , richness and more
Two decades , twenty years of war
Keeping try knocking the door
Three months ago I was at the store
Buying some things I came for
Four people with weapons , they smell gore
Trying to take the moneybox , they want more
One bullet out with a big bore
Flying on aire , touched my core
Two heart surgeries , so sore
Being alone in room , I tore
Three things I know so for
Being alive , healthy and safe is all
Four times you think and more
We all have better than what we look for
Author : Mr Dirbaxer
source : http://www.dirbax.com/my-writings/poems ... -more.html
One Four And More
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backinblack
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welcome! It has some good ideas going on, you may find your full on rhyme style will be frowned upon by some here.
Like myself you seem to be drawn into lines just to keep the rhyme going. which can be a bad thing.
You tend to end up writing things that you don't really want to.i liked the play on the numbers.
Nice to see you here.
Backinblack.
P.S. you are supposed to crit 2 works before you post your own.bad you!
Like myself you seem to be drawn into lines just to keep the rhyme going. which can be a bad thing.
You tend to end up writing things that you don't really want to.i liked the play on the numbers.
Nice to see you here.
Backinblack.
P.S. you are supposed to crit 2 works before you post your own.bad you!
Poems everybody...poems.. the laddie fancies himself a poet!..Pink Floyd-The wall.
Welcome aboard Dirbax,
Please read the forum rules, you may find yourself in more welcoming and willing company if you do.
As to your poem, I have to echo b-in-b, this seemed a bit more of an excercise in rhyming words, rather than a heart felt piece. I wonder how much more interesting a poem it would be if you freed yourself of such tight constraint to tell your story.
But grats on being brave enough to share your writing, welcome again.
TDF
Please read the forum rules, you may find yourself in more welcoming and willing company if you do.
As to your poem, I have to echo b-in-b, this seemed a bit more of an excercise in rhyming words, rather than a heart felt piece. I wonder how much more interesting a poem it would be if you freed yourself of such tight constraint to tell your story.
But grats on being brave enough to share your writing, welcome again.
TDF
meh and bah are wonderful words
Welcome to the forum D. I liked your poem for the idea behind it. True, the rhyme seems forced, yet the pleasure of playing with numbers struck me. Keep them coming. 