Haiku: Sequence for B

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Crustyman
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Joined: Wed Jan 27, 2010 12:22 pm

Sun Mar 28, 2010 3:20 pm

Haiku: Sequence for B
(b. April 1929, d. March 1998)

(i)
March sunshine gleams on
pale raw earth; catches my throat
at your green farewell.

(ii)
All summer our cat
wanders each room to find you.
You do not return.

(iii)
October rain slaps
leaves that droop in our garden.
How can we share that ?

(iv)
Two crows, mated, hunch
in the winter sycamore,
warmer than we are.
"There are nine and sixty ways
Of constructing tribal lays
And Every Single One Of Them Is Right"
Rudyard Kipling
Lake
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Sun Mar 28, 2010 7:09 pm

Hello Crusty,

I think this a crafty write. The feel of loss is poignantly delivered in four seasons.

"catches my throat
at your green farewell."

Heartbreaking, touching.

"our cat
wanders each room to find you"

Even the pet misses you.

"How can we share that ?"

The mood in rainy days is the most melancholy.

"Two crows,
warmer than we are."

Like the comparision.

All the best

Lake
Aim, then, to be aimless.
Seek neither publication, nor acclaim:
Submit without submitting.

一 Cameron
arunansu
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Mon Mar 29, 2010 2:28 pm

Crustyman,
I loved the moving write. Love the string of images, though I would have opted to go without punctuations. yet that's a minor. Very poignant.
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Danté
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Mon Mar 29, 2010 3:55 pm

crusty,

I can only reiterate what Lake and Aru have said, it's a good sequence. I especially liked the idea of two crows being used as a comparison in the closing lines, especially in the bleak context that you have them. Yes, a pleasant, enjoyable and thoughtful read.

all the best

Danté
to anticipate touching what is unseen seems far more interesting than seeing what the hand can not touch
David
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Sun Apr 04, 2010 4:42 pm

This is good, Crusty. Good and sad. Says it all - or most of it - in a few words.

Cheers

David
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