Haiku Train

New to poetry? Unsure about the quality of your work? Then why not post here to receive some gentle feedback.
Marc
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Thu Aug 19, 2010 4:22 pm

Hobo sheltering
dusty, rumbledown box car.
Train jumping alone.
Marc
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Thu Aug 19, 2010 10:14 pm

Train jumping alone
riding night wave railway lines
black words in the soot.
Suzanne
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Fri Aug 20, 2010 2:15 pm

black words in the soot
omens flying through windows
restless winds tossing
Marc
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Fri Aug 20, 2010 2:25 pm

Restless winds tossing
the Norwegian hinterlands:
weekend wilderness.
oranggunung
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Sun Aug 22, 2010 2:46 pm

weekend wilderness
no signposts, no motor cars
paper without lines
Suzanne
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Sun Aug 22, 2010 7:32 pm

paper without lines
black watercolor blotches
lessons in contrast.
nar
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Sun Aug 22, 2010 8:54 pm

lessons in contrast
parting cloud framing jet trails
white on grey on blue
oranggunung
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Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:01 am

white on grey on blue
gulls slide across the seascape
trawlers pitch and yaw
Suzanne
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Mon Aug 23, 2010 3:53 pm

trawlers pitch and yaw
blue painted bows bounce and bob
colored canvas calls.
Marc
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Tue Aug 24, 2010 8:34 am

Coloured canvas calls
campers from grey cityscapes
to cornish clifftops.
Suzanne
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Tue Aug 24, 2010 1:16 pm

to Cornish clifftops
sharp winds chisel deep wrinkles
time pieces blown jagged.
Marc
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Tue Aug 24, 2010 2:22 pm

time pieces blown jagged.
Clocks that drape el Salvador
writing words daily.
Suzanne
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Tue Aug 24, 2010 3:09 pm

writing words daily
creased paper laid straight, flattened
touches of charcoal
oranggunung
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Tue Aug 24, 2010 5:46 pm

touches of charcoal
breathing life into paper
a face of ashes
Suzanne
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Tue Aug 24, 2010 5:56 pm

a face of ashes
dusted fingerprints on lips
her eyes speak of light
oranggunung
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Tue Aug 24, 2010 8:38 pm

her eyes speak of light
shining behind tangled locks
her hands are open
Suzanne
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Wed Aug 25, 2010 5:03 am

her hands are open
her willing hands are open
joy always in reach.
Marc
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Wed Aug 25, 2010 7:08 am

Joy always in reach
for those who dream of oceans
as roads and highways.
Suzanne
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Wed Aug 25, 2010 11:55 am

As roads and highways
dictate twists and navigate,
he plots a sly course.
Marc
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Wed Aug 25, 2010 12:43 pm

He plots a sly course
hoping to pass unnoticed:
sliding through checkpoints
Suzanne
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Wed Aug 25, 2010 5:28 pm

sliding through check points
gliding below blue radar
he'd never be caught.
Marc
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Thu Aug 26, 2010 10:07 am

He'd never be caught
like a sad fish in a net
drying on the deck.
nar
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Thu Aug 26, 2010 10:41 am

drying on the deck
face up for all to admire -
The Queen of Diamonds
War does not determine who is right - only who is left. (Bertrand Russell)
Suzanne
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Thu Aug 26, 2010 10:58 am

the queen of diamonds
bound ice in laced gold, upstaged
by the queen of hearts.
Marc
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Thu Aug 26, 2010 12:30 pm

Buy the Queen of hearts
a thick fur coat for winter;
A gift for cold lands.
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