Anniversary

[lemur]

Anniversary

She's bride to a house
that shrank in the wash - wife,
and anodyne consort.
A torn off doll's head
with one eye
permanently
winked wide open.
So the vodka scud's
her sole alliance -
''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''one slug
and time snaps back
like the lid of a lizard.
With nothing to do but
shake stage thunder
she changes the sheets,
throws out the bed
he died in,
as the black cat
unburdens its silts,
unfurls itself like an oil slick
on the corner of the couch.

[cameron]

Very nice lemur. Great portrait of a widow.

Not sure what "unburdens its silts" means but "unfurls itself like an oil slick" is a brilliant line.

Cam

[Ray Trivedi]

"she's a bride..." reads better. Also, "bride", "wife", and "anodyne consort" aren't quite synonymous, it might work without "wife".

[lemur]

Thanks for the comments.

I think I'd rather keep the first line as it is to preserve the rhythm of the words. The 3 terms you mention, Ray, are there to show progression rather than synonymity - from bride to wife to non-entity. Also I wanted the alliteration of wash/wife.

Thanks.

[barrie]

A very poignant piece.

'and time snaps back
like the lid of a lizard.' - a touch of class.

'she changes the sheets,
throws out the bed
he died in...' - exactly what my mother did!

I can only agree with Cameron on the most memorable line.

nice one

[camus]

Great stuff.

This certainly deserves a feature.

[pseud]

Cam your plan is quickly backfiring because I wholeheartedly agree with Kris...

[cameron]

Cor blimey gov'nor. We're out the door with featured poems.

Yes, I'm happy for this to be the next one. (In a week or so.)

C

[lemur]

Thanks guys. Is there any way to move over the one slug text, so that it's kind of under wife?

[pseud]

yes hold on a second.

[pseud]

I messed with your post, hope you don't mind. The way BBC code works I guess the indents and spaces arent't picked up and everything is moved to the left. All I did was string a bunch of apostrophes together and turn them white -

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' - black

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' - blue

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' - white

I got the idea here:

viewtopic.php?t=463&sid=caa32a3d5a7a3b2 ... 10610d055c

- Caleb

[barrie]

WITCHCRAFT!!!

Burn him!

[pseud]

a real witch wouldn't mispell "arent't"

notoriously good spellars, they arre.

[barrie]

And here's me thinking that it was a reversed stutter - That's how you can always spot't a witch!

[pseud]

I weigh far more than any duck. How's that?

[barrie]

You eat far more than any duck, that's how. Small stones weigh less than any duck - they sink - but only if they don't breathe in.

Matthew Hopkins.

[camus]

#EFEFEF

Even better than white, as that is the colour of the background.

Well it is on my monitor anyway.

[pseud]

awesome Kris. Thanks.

Barrie -

Small stones weigh less than any duck - they sink - but only if they don't breathe in.

You are advocating animism sir. I may be a witch but you're a heretic!

[lemur]

Thanks Pseud, that's how I wanted it to look.

Cheers. (And I quite like witches.)

[cameron]

We've just promoted this to the top spot, so well done Lemur.