An online dating message to impress after initial contact.

[the stranger]

Hey you,

I’m nearly 40, half alive
but since you asked me
to be true - here it is
from me to you:

Your typing thrills me
like a possible plane death

I like your face from the left

You aksed me:
“What it is I want” - at the time a 99 with a flake
and a spin on a dime, you didn’t reply.

So here is the truth:
I want you, but different.

Can you change?

[JohnLott]

Hello, the Stranger.

I take it the dating message didn't impress?



J.

[David]

Well, it's something, I suppose. It breaks a long silence but doesn't do much more. More (in every sense), please.

Cheers

David

[brianedwards]

Well I like it. At least, I do from "Your typing thrills me." Start from there?

And yes "stranger", more please.

B.

[TDF]

I actually quite like this for it's simplicity.
A brief encounter of mutually wanting strangers in an msn world... or am I being melodramatic

I think the interwebz would label this a "romance fail lulz", not the poem, the content that is.

I do actually like the premise of looking for someone new, when you actually know exactly who you want, and know you won't find them on the net.... but look all the same. I don't think the last line is necessary though.

Also, a nit for nit's sake. "What it is I want" - if this is a quote from her, then she would use "you" not "I"... either that or don't quote mark.

Cheers
Tom

[the stranger]

Thanks guys.

Yes, it is a start at least!

I have actually been keeping my hand in as it were. Writing a series of poems under the title "Ming Ming" about my home town. Alas, I simplified them to a point of idiocy and couldn't find my way back, so i've had to start again, keeping the many drafts this time!

And now there is this new forum I see, which could be very handy indeed, nice one Ros.

TS