The decomposition of love

[Nicky B]

From honeyed skin
stem bruised apple kisses,
lips firm with promise
indent my spine.

The flesh beneath
lies darkly sweetened,
inexorably spreading,
tenderised.

[Macavity]

hi Nicky,
The mix of diction. honeyed and bruised, indent and sweetened, are poignantly blended in that final ambivalence tenderised.

enjoyed

mac

[cynwulf]

Evenin' Nicky,
succinct, beautifully expressed eroticism. Almost lusciously Persian in tone, with all the ambiguity of parts of 'The Song of Solomon'. More please.
Best wishes, Cynwulf.

[David]

The decomposition of love! Interesting idea. Makes me think of various overripe Dutch still lives. Perhaps not sure about indent. Doesn't sound quite erotic enough to me, but I'm not sure what to suggest instead.

Very nice to read you again, Nicky.

Cheers

David

[Jackie]

Wonderfully sensuous, Nicky!

I'm having trouble understanding which meaning of decompose you're applying here, though.

Jackie

[Ros]

Nicely done. 'Honeyed skin' struck me as less original than the rest - I wonder if there's another adjective, one that fits the apple idea?

I enjoyed this a lot.

Ros

[Antcliff]

Very much liked that spine/tenderised rhyme, Nicky.

Enigmatic overall though? Others hear eroticism.....but I can't but think something darker is going on with "decomposition". Am I wrong to think of cannibals? Hmm.

Seth

[Nicky B]

Thanks so much all,

This is the first thing I've written in months so it's a huge boost to get such a positive response.

The idea behind this is that love starts with a kiss, and that brings a gradual decomposition of body and mind. Either a gradual rot that seeps through you (like a bruised apples) or if you prefer a more positive stance a softening and sweetening. Either way it's a play on the idea that love messes with our otherwise composed lives, de-composing them, in more ways than one.

I'm clearly not quite getting that across, but as everyone seems to be enjoying it I don't mind too much.

Thank you again - it really makes a huge difference to me,

Nicky B
p.s. I know I'm over-due some crits and will get on this this evening

[Macavity]

The idea behind this is that love starts with a kiss, and that brings a gradual decomposition of body and mind. Either a gradual rot that seeps through you (like a bruised apples) or if you prefer a more positive stance a softening and sweetening.

That did come across.

all the best

mac

[Nicky B]

Thanks Mac - much appreciated!! I do tend to over explain things.

Nicky B.

[ray miller]

It's very nice. I have issues with the 2nd line. Should it be stems? I think it should, though stem sounds better. And I don't know why, but apple bruised leaps into my head each time I read it.
inexorably - it's a shame it's such a mouthful, beautiful ending otherwise.

[Bee]

Really enjoyed this Nicky
It kinda gave me the impression that love seemed to be a sickly sweet virus that slowly takes over the body. Its eerie whilst at the same time romantic which is a combination a quite enjoy
Bee

[KevJ]

I can only concur with the consensus and say I enjoyed the read very much.

[Arian]

I stumbled a little on the first couplet, don't know why, but otherwise, in the words of:

I can only concur with the consensus

Cheers
Peter

[summerbreeze]

Interesting, I was sort of seeing the Adam and Eve effect, all seems well in the garden but do not be fooled - underneath it all lies a sourness.

Nicely expressed, some good strong words which accentuate the piece.

Poppy ~xx~